Mornings are hard, but judging is easy. 

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY at the BFI London Film Festival
gown by Valentino, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

Photo: Karwai Tang/WireImage

This is one of the most delicately, glamorously exquisite gowns I have ever laid eyes on. Keira is giving us FACE, the earrings are extraordinary, and the red shoes were a wonderful surprise. This is pretty damn close to perfect.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY at the BFI London Film Festival
dress by Valentino, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

Photo: Tim P. Whitby/Getty

I don’t know why Valentino even bothers with advertising. Isn’t Keira Knightley’s mere existence all the good publicity the label could ever need?

JAMES MARSDEN in Los Angeles
suit by Thom Sweeney, shoes by Givenchy

Photo: Mark Davis/Getty

THAT COLOR. What do you even call that? Dusty teal? Deep cerulean? James Marsden’s eyes on a cloudy day? It’s every bit as exquisite as he is.

KRISTEN STEWART at the New York Film Festival
dress by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jim Spellman/Getty

If anybody can pull off this “I am your fabulous robot overlord” aesthetic, it’s Kristen Stewart. This kind of outfit requires that oxymoronic hybrid attitude of “I don’t give a fuck what you think of me” paired with “I get paid a shit-ton of money to let Karl Lagerfeld dictate my wardrobe” that only she can provide.

KRISTEN STEWART on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
sweater by Polo Ralph Lauren, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Theo Wargo/Getty

Chartreuse is not her color, but I love those shoes.

KRISTEN STEWART in New York City
dress by Chanel

Photo: Rex

Leather overalls? Are you fucking kidding me? No. I refuse to let this become a thing.

DIANNA AGRON in Los Angeles
dress by Miu Miu, purse and shoes by Prada

Photo: Jonathan Leibson/Getty

I still miss her darker hair, but Dianna is growing into those platinum locks. Their old Hollywood glamour works well with this darling little frock. I love the seaming in the side of the bust – it’s mega-flattering. The little flowers in the middle are darling, and the different shades of blue in her accessories are really lovely. Also, that purse looks like candy and I want to eat it.

KARLIE KLOSS in New York City
dress, purse, and shoes by Michael Kors

Photo: Bruce Glikas/FilmMagic

Karlie Kloss + a winning smile + the world’s most glittery dress = a recipe for success.

OLGA KURLYENKO at the BFI London Film Festival
gown by Matthew Williamson

Photo: Danny Martindale/WireImage

Olga’s gown appears to be printed with fruits, vegetables, martinis, and the occasional bird. Fuck it – good for her. It’s fun, the shape of the bodice is interesting, and her hair color is a delight.

HILARY SWANK in Los Angeles
suit, purse, and shoes by Saint Laurent

Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty

Suited-up Swank is probably my favorite Swank. This is just delish.

LILY COLLINS in London
jacket and skirt by Balmain, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Bauer Griffin

Adore the print; wish the skirt was long enough for her to actually walk in this dress without nearly flashing the paparazzi.

MICHELLE MONAGHAN in Los Angeles
dress by Simone Rocha, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

Michelle Monaghan has been all over the red carpet lately, but I always find myself a little underwhelmed by her fashion choices. The shoes are great, but this dress is only okay. I think the nude underlay is strange, but I think covering it up with the extra layer of red fabric in the skirt is even weirder.

ELLE FANNING in New York City
top and skirt by Creatures of the Wind

Photo: Marion Curtis/Startraks

Don’t laugh. We were all sixteen once, and made far worse fashion decisions than this. And at least her eyeliner game is on point.

ELLE FANNING in New York City
dress by Jenny Packham

Photo: Getty

Too prim and proper for a girl as fun and funky as Elle. She’s been wearing Rodarte since she was practically a toddler. She should leave these basic, inoffensive dresses to Duchess Kate.

JENA MALONE in New York City
dress by Valentino, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Tamara Mellon

Photo: Jack Shea/Starshots/Broadimage

I dislike about 99% of boots worn with dresses on the red carpet – the proportions so rarely work – but Jena is actually coming close to pulling these off. But with such a sweet prairie girl kind of dress, I’m just not buying it. Also, the clashing shades of red in her outfit could work, but when you add in her red hair, it’s completely overwhelming. I love Jena’s particular brand of weirdness, but this was too all over the place for me.

TAYLOR SWIFT in London
top and skirt by Tanya Taylor, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Neil Mockford/Alex Huckle/GC

I’m officially over her matching top-and-skirt combos. They were lots of fun in the summer, but kicky co-ords can’t last forever, Taylor. Winter is coming.

EMMY ROSSUM in Los Angeles
dress by Altuzarra, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty

FIRE YOUR MAKEUP ARTIST.

ODEYA RUSH in Los Angeles
dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

I hope Odeya Rush had a fabulous time at her bat mitzvah.

SELENA GOMEZ in Los Angeles
dress by Christian Dior, purse by VBH, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

I didn’t like the awkward proportions of this dress when Lucy Hale wore it, and I don’t like them now. The width of the skirt just looks bizarre with how crazy short it is.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN in Los Angeles
top and skirt by Vivienne Westwood

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

I don’t know what the hell an 18-year-old is doing in this old-lady-couture, and I don’t care. Because I can’t see anything besides that terrible, terrible wig. Unless she’s playing Velma Kelly in a high school production of Chicago, there is absolutely no reason for her to be wearing that thing.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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Because the Oscars isn’t enough annual ego masturbation for the movie industry – it’s the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ Governors Awards!

JESSICA CHASTAIN
gown by Nina Ricci, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

Perfect. The tuxedo-esque lapel combined with the lace is just so elegant. She looks effortless, but astonishingly expensive.

EMILY BLUNT
gown by Michael Kors, purse by Rauwolf

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

The mermaid skirt is not my preferred silhouette, but I love the color, the high waistline, and the floral pattern on the bodice.

FELICITY JONES
gown by Prada, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Rex

Dramatic and weird, but in a really excellent way. The side cut-outs on the gown are subtle, but keep things modern and youthful.

MICHELLE MONAGHAN
gown by J. Mendel

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

It was definitely one person’s job to constantly readjust Michelle’s skirt all night so that the colors lined up perfectly. And it was worth it. It’s a little long, but it’s romantic and the draping is gorgeous.

TILDA SWINTON
gown by Schiaparelli

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

I hope when aliens land on our planet, they discover Tilda Swinton first, so they know we are all omnipotent robots who look like David Bowie. TILDA IS THE GREATEST.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN
gown by Christian Siriano, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

It’s not exactly earth-shattering, but she’s usually wearing an ever-so-slightly askew fedora, so I’ll take what I can get with Zendaya.

MARION COTILLARD
gown by Christian Dior

Photo: Rex

It’s… fine. It might be a bigger deal on someone else, but Marion Cotillard always wears Dior. Her tampons are probably Dior. So I can’t go too crazy over yet another Dior ball gown.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY
dress by Nina Ricci, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

I’m not a fan of the hair, and I think the shoes would work better for a more casual event, but this dress is delightful on her.

REESE WITHERSPOON
dress by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

A fantastic color, and the matching lipstick is great. It’s not particularly interesting, but neither is most of what Reese wears.

HILARY SWANK
dress by Antonio Berardi

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

I like dresses that look like suits and coats, but this one just feels so awkward. And the First Lady hair isn’t helping. Mellie from Scandal is pissed you stole her wig.

JENNIFER ANISTON
dress by Zuhair Murad

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

Jennifer Aniston will be wearing little black dresses until she is a thousand years old.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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OMGYAAAAAS IT’S HUNGER GAMES TIME YAAAAAAAAS. 

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the London premiere
dress by Christian Dior

Photo: Dave J. Hogan/WireImage

Okay, the white glow around her eyes is excessive and makes it look like her makeup artist forgot his blending brushes, but everything else about this is perfectly J.Law. Classic, old Hollywood glamour with a young, funky vibe – it doesn’t get more Jennifer Lawrence than that.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the London after-party
gown by Mugler

Photo: Dave J. Hogan/Getty

Serving up American Hustle fierceness. Fuck yes. Keep ‘em coming all press tour long, girl.

ELIZABETH BANKS at the London premiere
gown by Elie Saab

Photo: instyle.co.uk

Yes, Jennifer Lawrence is my imaginary best friend, and I am a hardcore Hunger Games fangirl who has read the books too many times to count. But the real reason I love the Hunger Games movie press tours so much? ELIZABETH BANKS. So many of her greatest red carpet achievements were for these movies. That yellow Bill Blass gown, the orange Versace gown, that sparkly fuchsia Marc Jacobs dress – ugh, I’m getting sentimental. Anyway, the point is, my Elizabeth Banks expectations were astronomically high, and as per usual, the lady did not disappoint. Also, this dress deserves to be viewed in gif form from every angle (thank you, People Style Watch, because I can’t stop staring at this):

I WANT TO BE HER.

ELIZABETH BANKS at the London after-party
dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Lee Savage, shoes by Paul Andrew

Photo: David M. Benett/WireImage

Love the rose-gold color; hate the foil-y appearance of the fabric. Still, the color is amazing on her. If anyone can sell me on a shiny pink trash bag, it’s Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH BANKS at the London press conference
dress by Andrew Gn

Photo: Rex

Adorable. The best thing about her press tour wardrobe is that it always incorporates just a hint of that Effie Trinket magic. Sometimes it’s sparkles, sometimes it’s insanely bright colors, sometimes it’s girly mixed-prints, but it always feels on-point without being costumey.

JULIANNE MOORE at the London premiere
dress by Balenciaga

Photo: Dave J. Hogan/Getty

I was so excited for Jennifer and Elizabeth that I kind of forgot Julianne Moore is in this next movie. IT’S SO MANY OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE ON ONE RED CARPET, YOU GUYS. My brain is a little bit exploding. And Ms. Moore has never looked better.

JULIANNE MOORE, JENNIFER LAWRENCE, ELIZABETH BANKS, and NATALIE DORMER at the London photo call
Julianne’s dress by Dries van Noten, shoes by Aquazzura
Jennifer’s suit by Public School
Elizabeth’s dress by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Natalie’s dress by Michael van der Ham

Photo: Rex

Julianne: Gorgeous dress in a killer print; astonishingly fugly shoes. Jennifer: Classy but laid-back; killing it with the hair and the epic bitch-face. Elizabeth: The dress is right up her alley, but I’m not sold on the booties. Natalie: It is fucking impossible to find a photo where she isn’t making that ridiculous eating-a-rotten-lemon face. I love her, because anyone in Game of Thrones AND The Hunger Games is automatically beloved by the Democracy Diva, but that face is probably going to bother the shit out of me for the entire press tour.

JENA MALONE at the London premiere
gown by Emilia Wickstead

Photo: PA

That hair and lip color on her porcelain skin? Incredible. The casual, off-the-shoulder sleeves? Delicious. The skirt with pockets? Awesome. I don’t really love this dress on its own, but Jena is selling it. HARD.

NATALIE DORMER at the London premiere
gown by Nicholas Oakwell

Photo: Dave J. Hogan/Getty

1) STOP IT WITH THAT FACE. 2) This is two dresses, not one, and I’m pretty sure both of them are hideous.

LIAM HEMSWORTH at the London premiere
suit by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Dave J. Hogan/Getty

Yum. Not life-changingly fascinating, but yum.

JOSH HUTCHERSON at the London premiere
suit by Ralph Lauren, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Dave J. Hogan/Getty

Cute. He wears that cobalt color incredibly well.

SAM CLAFLIN at the London premiere
jacket and pants by Prada

Photo: Dave J. Hogan/Getty

WHO DID THIS TO FINNICK ODAIR AND WHEN CAN I MURDER THEM?

—
© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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Season’s greetings, bitches!  Welcome to the annual celebration of all things fabulous on the red carpet.

One-Hit Wonders:
KAT DENNINGS, UZO ADUBA, and KAROLINA KURKOVA

KAT DENNINGS in Rubin Singer; UZO ADUBA in Christian Siriano; KAROLINA KURKOVA in Marchesa

Achievement in Menswear:
EDDIE REDMAYNE

EDDIE REDMAYNE in Hardy Amies, Burberry Prorsum, Alexander McQueen, and Burberry

Rookies of the Year:
AMAL CLOONEY and LIZZY CAPLAN

AMAL CLOONEY in Dolce & Gabbana, Stella McCartney, Oscar de la Renta, and Giambattista Valli

LIZZY CAPLAN in Donna Karan, Valentino, and Emilio Pucci

Achievement in Maternity Wear:
ZOE SALDANA

ZOE SALDANA in Christian Dior, Preen, Lanvin, and Valentino

Red Carpet Risk-Takers:
JENA MALONE and SOLANGE KNOWLES

JENA MALONE in Emilio Pucci, Valentino, Emanuel Ungaro, and Reem Acra

SOLANGE KNOWLES in Christopher Kane, H&M, Acne, and Tata Naka

Most Enviable Street Style:
TAYLOR SWIFT

TAYLOR SWIFT in Novis, Suno, Cynthia Steffe, and Aqua

TAYLOR SWIFT in ModCloth, Miu Miu/Topshop, Asos, and Equipment

Best Dressed, Teen Edition:
KIERNAN SHIPKA

KIERNAN SHIPKA in Tory Burch, Antonio Berardi, Giambattista Valli, and Michael Kors

KIERNAN SHIPKA in Preen, Bottega Veneta, Peter Pilotto, and Marni

Fabbest Girls Next Door:
EMMA STONE, JENNIFER LAWRENCE and EMMA WATSON

EMMA STONE in Valentino, Chanel, and Atelier Versace

EMMA STONE in Brock, Prada, and Valentino

JENNIFER LAWRENCE in Christian Dior, Tom Ford, and Jason Wu

JENNIFER LAWRENCE in Christian Dior, Altuzarra, and Christian Dior

EMMA WATSON in Misha Nonoo, Christian Dior, and Ralph Lauren

EMMA WATSON in Christian Dior, Narciso Rodriguez, and Christian Dior

Most Prolific:
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY and ELIZABETH BANKS

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY in Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, Holly Fulton, and Valentino

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY in Huishan Zhang, Chanel, Giambattista Valli, and Valentino

ELIZABETH BANKS in McQ, Monique Lhuillier, Jenny Packham, and Leonard

ELIZABETH BANKS in Roland Mouret, Peter Pilotto, Chloé, and Elie Saab

Best Dressed:
LUPITA NYONG’O and CATE BLANCHETT

LUPITA NYONG’O in Calvin Klein, Christian Dior, and Gucci

LUPITA NYONG’O in Miu Miu, Ralph Lauren, and Prada

CATE BLANCHETT in Armani Privé

CATE BLANCHETT in Armani Privé, Ralph Lauren, and Valentino

—
© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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Shit, dear readers, we have a LOT of judging to get through. I hope you’ve stretched.

Best Dressed: FELICITY JONES
gown by Christian Dior, earrings by Van Cleef & Arpels

Photo: Alberto Rodriguez/Getty

Audrey Hepburn reincarnated. There is no higher compliment. Everything is perfect, but my favorite detail was the buttoned-up back:

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

It’s less than two weeks into 2015, but I can declare with confidence that this will be one of my favorite looks of the year. If people didn’t know Felicity Jones’s name before, they certainly will now.

Runner-Up: EMMA STONE
jumpsuit by Lanvin

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

When I saw this on TV, I wasn’t quite sold. But after compiling photos of more than sixty different stars at this event (ugh, I’m tired), most of whom looked basic at best, I have to give it to Emma Stone. She brought the weirdness in the best possible way. And I straight-up fell in love with this look after seeing it from a side angle:

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

I rest my case.

Honorable Mention: TINA FEY and AMY POEHLER
Tina’s gown by Antonio Berardi, purse by Roger Vivier
Amy’s gown by Stella McCartney

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

These two extraordinary bitches. I love them with all of my heart and soul. It is a joy to see Tina taking such major red carpet risks when it was probably only two years ago that she was addicted to basic black and navy gowns. She’s got enough elegance to pull off this decidedly weird shape, and the embellishments at the center are gorgeous. And Amy? Come on. The color, the pockets, the fact that she’s positively dripping with diamonds – it’s all working. And I love that, for the opening monologue, they changed into dresses that were practically sisters to their respective red carpet looks:

Photo: Getty/Handout

Their stylists deserve a raise for that stroke of genius alone.

CHANNING TATUM and JENNA DEWAN-TATUM
Channing’s tuxedo by Dolce & Gabbana
Jenna’s gown by Carolina Herrera

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

A career high for Jenna, who is fucking glowing in that canary yellow. The fit is spectacular and the styling is lovely. Oh, and I guess Channing Tatum isn’t so bad-looking. Whatever.

UZO ADUBA
gown by Randi Rahm

Photo: Alberto Rodriguez/Getty

I cannot stop looking at this dress. The silver beading with little splashes of red everywhere – extraordinary. The silhouette is gorgeous, and I love that the colors of the gown are reflected in her makeup. Another red carpet victory for Crazy Eyes.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS
gown by Narciso Rodriguez

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

The hair is kind of sad, but you know how LA people get when it rains. Across the board, the hair at this event was atrocious, and I’ll choose to blame that on the weather/LA folks not understanding the need for extra-hold hairspray. Anyway, a toast to Julia for wearing white but not looking bridal. And let’s also applaud whoever chose this shape for Julia – she’s only 5’3″, but she looks fucking statuesque in this silhouette.

LUPITA NYONG’O
gown by Giambattista Valli, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

I was obsessed with this the moment it hit my television, but it’s got a few flaws that kept it from reaching the top of my list. First of all, doesn’t the whole thing look like it’s dying to be pulled up an inch or two? I just don’t think that bodice is sitting in the right place, and the dragging-on-the-ground skirt only makes her look shorter. And I usually enjoy Lupita’s matchy-matchy style, but honestly, that purple purse is childish and silly. It’s still an exceptionally beautiful gown on an even more gorgeous woman, but it’s not as perfect as I thought it was at first glance.

AMY ADAMS
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

It must be nice to be too rich to give a fuck about ruining a couture gown with rain water. But wet hemlines aside, this gown fits her like a dream, and the color was made for her. This had a safe spot in my top three… until I noticed the shoes. Are those dyed-to-match satin platforms?! Related question: is this Amy Adams’s bat mitzvah?

SALMA HAYEK
gown and purse by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

This dress is spectacular, but Salma seems to be modeling eight different bridal trends at once. A brass-knuckled purse just doesn’t work with a flower in your hair. And the mega-earring/giant flower combo is just too much.

JANE FONDA
gown by Versace, earrings by Bulgari, purse by Rauwolf

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

I won’t even pretend I have the right to critique a seventy-seven year old woman who still looks this fantastic and has this much fun with her wardrobe. Never change, Jane Fonda.

JOANNE FROGGATT
gown by Marchesa

Photo: Kevork Djansezian/Getty

Clearly, my favorite ladies’ maid had no idea she was going to win a Golden Globe, because she went for a more understated, wallflowery look. I hate the hair, the matching purse, and the lack of jewelry, but this isn’t a bad look. I’m just waiting for Joanne to have the confidence to hit an event this big in a look that demands attention.

LESLIE MANN
gown by Kaufmanfranco, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Not the best color for her skin tone, and the styling feels a bit scatterbrained.

EMILY BLUNT
gown by Michael Kors, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

This was a disappointment. Emily Blunt was so magnificent in Into the Woods, and wore some really fantastic shit on that press tour. I wanted her to pull out all the stops for this event, but instead, she veered wildly into basic bitch territory. This plain Michael Kors gown would have been fine for a lesser event, but it just lacks the requisite oomph for the Globes. And if I were regularly having sex with John Krasinski, I’d want the world to know it too, but I’m not sure that postcoital hairdo was the best way to tell us that. Also: turquoise jewelry at a formal event. Enough said.

DAVID OYELOWO
tuxedo by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Points for stepping outside the box, David, but you get to wear bedazzled shoes OR a bedazzled tuxedo. Not both.

CHRISSY TEIGEN and JOHN LEGEND
Chrissy’s gown by Zuhair Murad, purse by Tyler Alexandra

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

So, no one noticed that this dress makes Chrissy look like she’s wearing the world’s most expensive diaper?

KATE BECKINSALE
gown by Elie Saab, jewelry by Bulgari, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

That skirt is the saddest. It might be illegal to sell a skirt that sad without a prescription for Zoloft on the side.

TAYLOR SCHILLING
gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Stop whatever it is you are trying to do with your eyebrows right this instant. We cannot all have Cara Delevingne’s brows. Yours appear to have been drawn on with magic marker, along with your lipstick. Taylor, you need to make your makeup artist pay for the atrocity he has inflicted all over your beautiful face.

NAOMI WATTS
gown by Gucci, necklace by Bulgari

Photo: Jeff Vespa/WireImage

This color is truly horrific on her, and the lipstick isn’t helping. The styling choices feel so random – what is that white purse even doing here? And yes, the Bulgari serpent necklace is spectacular, but Naomi has worn it half a dozen times already, so I can’t give her too many points for that.

KATE MARA
gown and purse by Miu Miu

Photo: Kevork Djansezian/Getty

This dress is straight-up stupid, and I don’t even want to know what is happening on top of Kate’s head.

Worst Dressed: KEIRA KNIGHTLEY
gown by Chanel

Photo: John Shearer/Invision/AP

Keira Knightley: the sluttiest girl on the Oregon Trail.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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Let’s continue one of the year’s most epic bitchfests, dear readers. 

Best Dressed: JESSICA CHASTAIN
gown by Atelier Versace

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS*

*etc. until the end of time

Runner-Up: LORDE
jacket, top, and pants by Narciso Rodriguez, necklace by Neil Lane

Photo: Lionel Hahn/Abaca

Flawless. The wide-leg pants could have read as too Liza, but the of-the-moment crop keeps this look fresh rather than disco-dated. The jewelry is phenomenal and the red pout is perfect. This is the way to work lady-pants at a formal event.

Honorable Mention: ALLISON WILLIAMS
gown by Armani Privé

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

By a mile, the best she’s ever looked. Her preppy Donna Karan gowns of the past never did anything for her, but she’s a fucking glamour queen in this magical couture gown. Also, can we talk about the guy behind her? That’s clearly his reaction to someone asking him what he thought of Marnie’s sex scene in the Girls premiere.

SOPHIE HUNTER and BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
Sophie’s gown by Erdem

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Benedict is obviously a god amongst men, but I was unaware that his fiancé is also awesome. Her Erdem gown is stylish as hell, but sweet and demure. And obviously, if it has pockets, I’m nearly always on board.

ANNA KENDRICK
gown by Monique Lhuillier, earrings by Fred Leighton

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

I want to be her so badly, it’s getting a little weird.

SIENNA MILLER
gown by Miu Miu, jewelry by Tiffany & Co., shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

She looks like a vintage wedding Pinterest board, but I don’t actually hate it. At least it looks like an intentionally quirkly mish-mash, instead of a mistake.

KATE HUDSON
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Forevermark

Photo: John Shearer/Invision/AP

I’m hoping that glittery rib cages don’t become a trend, but to be honest, I don’t hate this. It’s not at all my style, but Kate looks more put together here than she has in ages. I think a pop of color in her lipstick or nails would have gone a long way, but it’s definitely glamorous and statement-making.

JESSICA LANGE
gown by J. Mendel

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

The dress is a little overworked, but if anyone is woman enough to pull it off, it’s Jessica Lange.

ALAN CUMMING
tuxedo by Calvin Klein, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Is it weird that I love this? I can’t decide if this is bold and cool, or I’m just having some sort of mental breakdown, and thinking shiny nude tuxedos are cool is the first symptom.

GINA RODRIGUEZ
gown by Badgley Mischka, jewelry by Chopard, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

She might be the most endearing actress in the universe. I cried during her acceptance speech, and I don’t even watch her damn show. Anyway, I like the detailing at the bottom of the gown, but the rest of this look is a little too ordinary. Now that she’s got a major award under her belt, I hope she starts turning up the volume on the red carpet.

LENA DUNHAM
gown by Zac Posen

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Well, it’s certainly not the worst thing she’s worn, right? Like too many Zac Posen looks, it’s got more seaming than it needs, and I don’t know how Lena managed to get this thing looking so wrinkled before the show even started. I also would have stayed far away from the matchy-matchy shoes. But, hey, she doesn’t look like a toddler’s birthday cake, so I guess we’ll have to call that a victory.

JAKE GYLLENHAAL and MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
Jake’s tuxedo by Gucci
Maggie’s gown by Miu Miu

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

He: continues to be as gorgeous as he ever was. She: is really trying my patience with that aggressively underwhelming gown. It’s one of the prettier bridesmaid dresses I’ve seen, but it’s boring as hell on the red carpet. And while Maggie’s style is sometimes perplexing, she at least usually gives me something to talk about. This is just Ambien in dress form. But without the fun, trippy side effects.

DAKOTA JOHNSON
gown and jewelry by Chanel

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

A gown this glitzy looks absolutely ridiculous when you don’t add much of anything in terms of hair, makeup, or jewelry. But I guess I can’t expect rational decision-making from anyone who agreed to go near Fifty Shades of Grey with a ten-foot pole. Also, welcome back, Guy Who Was Making Faces Behind Allison Williams! This is clearly him trying to describe the disgust he felt watching the Fifty Shades trailer.

VIOLA DAVIS
gown by Donna Karan

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

NO, VIOLA DAVIS. YOU ARE SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN THIS. YOU ARE NOT A BASIC BITCH. GO HOME AND START OVER.

KATIE HOLMES
gown by Marchesa

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Unless Katie is starring in a brunette adaptation of Rapunzel, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON WITH HER HAIR?

ROBIN WRIGHT
top and skirt by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Tammie Arroyo/AFF

Just wear a tux, Robin. You can still be comfortable, and wear all black, and be in separates, but you’ll look like the goddamn amazing superstar of a woman you are. This… this is just making me upset.

JENNIFER ANISTON
gown by Saint Laurent, jewelry by Neil Lane

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

So she’s just never going to wear anything but this? Ever? I was kind of hoping all the buzz about her dramatic chops in Cake meant that she would make a big red carpet statement, but if anything, she regressed even further into her circa-2002 aesthetic with this ensemble. Also, the placement of that slit is majorly awkward, yes?

ROSAMUND PIKE
gown by Vera Wang

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

I actually think it’s a fantastic feminist statement that Vera Wang is now making formal nursing bras for the red carpet.

HEIDI KLUM
gown by Atelier Versace

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

I’m thinking Jennifer Aniston and Heidi Klum must have time-traveled from the 2002 Golden Globes together. I can’t think of a more reasonable explanation for their respective outfits than that.

Worst Dressed: LANA DEL REY
gown by Versace

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

I’m sorry, Lana, but I do not want to be Part of Your World.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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I mean, you knew this post was coming, right?

HANNAH BAGSHAWE and EDDIE REDMAYNE
Hannah’s gown and Eddie’s tux by Valentino

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

These two actually look really lovely, but they weren’t quite excellent enough for the Best Dressed post. So, sorry, Hannah and Eddie, but I guess that makes you basic. Better luck next year.

KATE HUDSON
gown by Michael Kors, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Ill-fitting lace and a messy bun? Yup, you’re basic. (And I should know. I LIVE in a messy bun.)

JAIME KING
gown by Jason Wu

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

This isn’t the premiere of your shitty sci-fi movie, Jaime. The Met Gala actually MATTERS. Act accordingly.

UMA THURMAN
gown by Atelier Versace, shoes by Alexandre Birman

Photo: Francis Specker/Landov

I’m fairly certain Uma Thurman hasn’t stopped wearing this dress since the Pulp Fiction premiere. I like the cut, and the jade earrings, but WHATEVER WHO CARES I’M BORED. Also, that nest on top of her head is problematic.

EMMA ROBERTS
gown by Ralph Lauren, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: David Fisher/Rex

I hate those sliced-open sleeves. I think they’re hideously unflattering on just about everyone. And I also think Emma just needs to deal with her roots and go brunette already. I have never once looked at that head of hair and thought, “Yes. That’s how things should look.”

HAILEE STEINFELD
gown by Michael Kors, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Rex

YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS, HAILEE. I’m very happy that you’ve had such a wonderful time at your Bat Mitzvah, but you’re going to have to put in a lot more effort than this if you want to play with the big girls.

GABRIELLE UNION
gown by Zac Posen, purse by Charlotte Olympia

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Cute fan purse, awesome cocktail rings, but no accessory is powerful enough to bring this dress up to Met Gala standards.

OLIVIA MUNN
gown by J. Mendel

Photo: Francis Specker/Landov

Does everyone in Hollywood have super-sweaty shoulders? What is the meaning of this trend?!

RACHEL WEISZ
gown by Chanel, shoes by Bally

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Too much makeup. Not enough anything else.

JESSICA ALBA
gown, purse, and shoes by Kenzo

Photo: Gilbert Flores/Broadimage

Congratulations, Jessica! Your flat-forms have qualified you for the position of Senior Undersecretary of Basic Bitchiness. You must be very proud.

ALLISON WILLIAMS
gown by Giambattista Valli

Photo: Rex

Oh, wonderful. Now Lena Dunham’s drunk-preschooler style is rubbing off on the rest of the Girls cast. That’s definitely what my life needed more of – giant puffy skirts and precious doll-like blush on grown-ass women.

CHRISSY TEIGEN and JOHN LEGEND
Chrissy’s gown by St. John, purse by Judith Leiber
John’s tuxedo by Gucci

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Nope. Try harder.

REESE WITHERSPOON
gown by Jason Wu

Photo: Rex

BAD REESE. BAD. Bad hair, worse makeup, awful shoes, and I can’t even bring myself to care about a gown as basic as this one.

SOFIA VERGARA
gown by Marchesa

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

I can’t. I just can’t.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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We’ve finally made it! It took me two weeks (real life is hard, yo), but here we are: the end of your Met Gala fashion coverage. 

FAN BINGBING
cape and gown by Chris by Christopher Bu, purse by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Henry Lamb/Photowire/BEImages

A gif is worth a thousand words, and a Beyoncé gif is worth a million:

ZHANG ZIYI
gown by Carolina Herrera

Photo: Rex

From the Cheongsam collar to the floral blossoms, Zhang is FUCKING KILLING IT. Fan and Zhang are two of my favorite ladies in red carpet history, and since they’re also basically the biggest stars in China, I had high hopes for both of them at this event. And they did not dare disappoint the Diva.

JANELLE MONAE
cape, top, and skirt by H&M, purse by Rodo, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Janelle Monae is a goddess. She sticks to her black-and-white uniform almost exclusively, but she doesn’t let it inhibit the creativity of her personal style. Everything about this is fantastic.

ANNE HATHAWAY
gown by Ralph Lauren, purse by Benedetta Bruzziches

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

A surprisingly strong showing from Ms. Hathaway, who hasn’t worn anything notable in quite awhile. But this hood is absolutely badass.

GONG LI
gown by Roberto Cavalli

Photo: Getty

From the front, I was all ready to put this in my Basic Bitches post. Luckily, I got a glimpse of the back:

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Stupendous. The colors, the lace, the fan – I’m kvelling.

HELEN MIRREN
gown by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

The laser-cut detailing feels both thematically appropriate and totally luxurious. Kudos to the Dame for blowing women less than half her age out of the water, again and again and again.

SOLANGE KNOWLES
dress by Giles, jewelry by Cartier

Photo: Arroyo-O’Connor/AFF-USA

I don’t know what this has to do with China, but for once, I don’t care. I can’t stop looking at this.

MAGGIE Q
gown by Tory Burch

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

A stunning outfit, and it looks like it was tailor-made to show off her tattoo in the sexiest way possible. I approve.

EMILY BLUNT
gown, cape, and purse by Prada

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

A little heavy-handed, but I appreciate her dedication to the theme, and I respect her choice to wear a cape.

AMAL CLOONEY and GEORGE CLOONEY
Amal’s gown by John Galliano for Maison Margiela

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

These two are too fucking beautiful for words. Amal’s gown somehow balances a touch of the theme (the bodice is Chinese-military-inspired) with some straight-up glamour (those layers!) without making it seem like this night is all about her. That’s an incredible balancing act to accomplish, and only a lady as insanely classy as Amal can pull that off.

FKA TWIGS and ROBERT PATTINSON
FKA’s gown by Christopher Kane
Robert’s tux by Christian Dior

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

HER DRESS HAS A PENIS ON IT. OBVIOUSLY SHE GETS TO BE ON THE BEST DRESSED LIST, YOU GUYS.

LIZZY CAPLAN
gown by Donna Karan, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Simply gorgeous. The tassel earrings were a stroke of genius.

CHLOË SEVIGNY
gown by J.W. Anderson

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

You’ve got to hand it to Chloë – she will never half-ass a theme. There’s not another woman on earth I’d want to see this thing on, but Ms. Sevigny only becomes more preternaturally able to wear ridiculous things as she ages. Or maybe I’m prejudiced in her favor because I’m re-watching Big Love and God, every single woman on that show is talented beyond belief. Anything’s possible.

OLIVIA WILDE and JASON SUDEIKIS
Olivia’s gown, gloves, and purse and Jason’s tux by Prada

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

The headwrap and the gloves are a LOT of look, but when the fuck else can you go for this much look, right? It’s very Prada, which means it’s not for everyone, but I’m coming down on the side of loving it. And Jason looks as adorable as always.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN
top and skirt by Fausto Puglisi

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Divalicious from every angle:

Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin

Now THAT is a mother-fucking statement. I wasn’t always on board with Zendaya’s particular brand of weird, but she single-handedly took down racist piece of garbage/world’s most obnoxious non-Kardashian Giuliana Rancic. And for that, I will always love her.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
gown by Roland Mouret

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Streamlined but unique; it’s right up her alley, but somehow so much more chic than usual. Plus, it kind of looks like a really luxurious Asian-inspired bathrobe.

ZOE KRAVITZ
gown by Alexander Wang

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Obscenely glam, if not particularly on-theme. Also, you can’t not be obsessed with Zoe Kravitz. As if it’s not already amazing that Lenny Kravitz is her dad, her mom is Denise Huxtable and her step-dad is Khal Drogo. SHE HAS MY DREAM LIFE.

AMANDA SEYFRIED
gown by Givenchy

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Ditch the layer of lace and the white shoes, and I’d be 100% on board.

JOSHUA JACKSON and DIANE KRUGER
Joshua’s tux by Alexander McQueen
Diane’s top and pants by Chanel, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Much as I love Pacey (and it is a ton), I wasn’t sold on this duo from far away. But Diane always looks better in close-up:

Photo: Arroyo-O’Connor/AFF-USA

I know she’s wearing glorified pajamas, but I still think they work. So sue me. I love this woman.

KATE MARA
gown by Diane von Furstenberg, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

The neckline makes me cringe, but the collar and florals are so delectably fabulous that I can’t bring myself to care.

And that’s it for your Met Gala coverage! Check back later this week as we tackle the most fashionable few weeks of the year: the Cannes Film Festival.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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Yes, that’s right. Cannes is so fantabulous, this is just the start of the Best Dressed from the film festival premieres. Are you ready for this jelly?

CATE BLANCHETT at the Carol premiere
gown by Giles

Photo: WireImage

And now, a Game of Thrones haiku:

HAIL CATE, OF HOUSE FAB.

Photo: Arthur Mola/Invision/AP

FASHION QUEEN OF THE ANDALS.

Photo: Rex

BOW DOWN. QUEEN CATE REIGNS.

NAOMI WATTS at the Sea of Trees premiere
dress by Armani Privé

Photo: Eric Gaillard/Landov

Has anyone ever brushed away a hair so perfectly, so gracefully, so beautifully in the history of woman-and-drag-queen-kind? I think not. She looks absolutely breathtaking.

NAOMI WATTS at the Mad Max: Fury Road premiere
gown by Ralph Lauren, jewelry by Bulgari

Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

When wearing a gazillion dollars worth of diamonds and playing with your fancy skirt, one must always wear a devilish grin. #NaomiWattsLifeLessons

ERIN O’CONNOR at the Carol premiere
gown by Ralph & Russo

Photo: Getty

Yes, she looks like the world’s tallest Christmas present, but I think that’s the point. The low-key styling lets the giant bow and the stunning cuff do all the talking.

FAN BINGBING at the Mad Max: Fury Road premiere
gown by Marchesa, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: WireImage

Even I can admit that the flowers in her hair are a bit much, but you have to give it to Fan Bingbing – when she goes for an aesthetic, she COMMITS. If she wants to go ethereal, she will not stop until you actually believe she is a magical woodland couture fairy.

ROONEY MARA at the Carol premiere
gown by Olivier Theyskens for Rochas

Photo: Arthur Mole/Invision/AP

It’s not exactly out of character for Rooney to wear a dramatic white gown – it’s pretty much her signature move. But this dress is particularly exquisite, from the light and airy bodice to the embroidery on the skirt to the unfinished hemline. The dark makeup and nails are a perfectly dramatic touch.

AISHWARYA RAI at the Carol premiere
gown by Elie Saab

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

She is positively glowing in that color.

CHARLIZE THERON at the Mad Max: Fury Road premiere
gown by Christian Dior, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

I’m not actually certain if this is intentionally a little bit ruched, or if it’s just in desperate need of a steam, but Charlize is tearing shit up regardless. The color makes it impossible to take your eye off of her, and I love that single curl hanging in front of her face.

DIANE KRUGER at the Maryland premiere
gown by Prada, jewelry by Harry Winston

Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

There is something so fantastic about the way she’s blandly smiling at the cameras as if there isn’t a dude three inches from her ass, trying to make sure her skirt is laying correctly. That is a professional red carpet connoisseur, my friends. Anyway, the dress is predictably fan-freaking-tastic, though I’m not sold on the hair or the purse.

NATALIE PORTMAN at the Sicario premiere
gown by Lanvin

Photo: David Fisher/Rex

SHE FINALLY ISN’T WEARING DIOR! And she’s wearing a color that isn’t black, white, or red! It’s a Cannes miracle. And this dress is simple, but the dark jade color is amazing on her, and I love the low-hanging fit of the top.

RACHEL WEISZ at the Lobster premiere
gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

I am obsessed with those sleeves. There’s something intensely futuristic about this look, while also feeling very classic. That’s a hard line to walk, and I think this dress does it incredibly well.

EMMA STONE at the Irrational Man premiere
gown by Christian Dior

Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages

I think the choker does a disservice to the best element of this gown, which is the stunning boat neck line. That should have been allowed to sing, and she could have replaced the choker with some gigantic diamond studs, and maybe a delicate bracelet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still an award-winning look, but it could have been haiku-writing levels of amazing with a few small changes.

POPPY DELEVINGNE at the Carol premiere
gown by Burberry Prorsum, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: WireImage

Yes, I know her nipple is an exploding star, but she looks like an evil mermaid, and I absolutely love it.

JANE FONDA at the Sea of Trees premiere
gown by Atelier Versace

Photo: Getty

Every runway model in the universe has worn a black, white, or metallic version of this dress in the last six months, but all of them can shut the fuck up and bow down before 77-year-old Jane Fonda. Those basic bitches might be young enough to be her granddaughter, but they don’t know from fabulous quite like Ms. Fonda. She is amazing.

SALMA HAYEK at the Carol premiere
gown by Gucci

Photo: Arthur Mola/Invision/AP

She is on FIRE in this electric shade of purple. Girlfriend has never looked more sexy.

JULIANNE MOORE at the Mad Max: Fury Road premiere
gown by Givenchy, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

The matching shoes could be either insane or brilliant – I’m still not quite sure. But I am certain that lipstick needs to go, and I’d have loved to see her hair up, and maybe a dress this intense didn’t need such big earrings. All my styling complaints aside: this dress is GORGEOUS, and she looks incredible in it.

LÉA SEYDOUX at the Lobster premiere
gown by Miu Miu, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: instyle.com

This reminds me a bit of that Gucci gown that was hugely popular last year – but in a good way, not enough that it feels like a rip-off. Léa always brings her A-game to Cannes, and this was no exception.

NATASHA POLY at the Sea of Trees premiere
gown by Michael Kors

Photo: Getty

That Bulgari serpent necklace better have its own limo spot at every Cannes red carpet – that’s how prevalent it is, year after year. Still, it’s used expertly here, emphasizing that gorgeous plunging neckline without taking away from the amazing texture of the gown’s gold fabric.

MELISSA GEORGE at the Irrational Man premiere
coat, top, and shorts by Schiaparelli

Photo: EPA/Landov

I still can’t decide if this is hideously horrific or the most interesting and fashion-forward thing I’ve yet to see at Cannes. But at least that middle photographer in the background agrees with me. We are all that paparazzo, staring at Melissa George with a hand over our mouth as we try to decide what the fuck this is, and how we feel about it.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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Welcome to the amfAR Gala, or as it will now be known, Shameless Sideboob for a Good Cause!

Best Dressed: MELISSA GEORGE
gown by Schiaparelli, purse by Roger Vivier

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Starlight, star bright, first starlet I rank tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, bring the old Hollywood glamour queen realness that Melissa George brings tonight.

Runner-Up: CHANEL IMAN
gown by Zuhair Murad, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Tristan Fewings/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 5/10. Inner side boob is still side boob, after all.

Overall Performance: Disney princess fierceness for days and days. The cascading white embellishments are just to die for.

Honorable Mention: KARLIE KLOSS
gown by Tom Ford, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Dave M. Benett/WireImage

Sideboob Factor: 10/10. That is the most perfect side of a boob I’ve ever seen.

Overall Performance: Futuristic, effortlessly cool, impossibly glam.

DOUTZEN KROES
gown by Maison Margiela

Photo: Tristan Fewings/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 1/10. There’s a glimmer of it, though!

Overall Performance: She looks a thousand feet tall and utterly magnificent. The “just had sex on a Monaco beach” hair is fantastic as well.

JAKE GYLLENHAAL
suit by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Regis Duvignau/Reuters/Landov

Sideboob Factor: 0/10, needs more sideboob.

Overall Performance: I want to lick his beard.

MARION COTILLARD
gown by Jean Paul Gaultier

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 0/10, because French actors are too sophisticated for sideboob.

Overall Performance: I don’t know what I love more – this color, her necklace, or the fact that she’s FINALLY not wearing Dior.

ZOE KRAVITZ
gown by Vionnet

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 0/10, because Zoe is too cool for basic bitch things like ‘trends.’

Overall Performance: I have a huge, huge style crush on her. She brings a one-of-a-kind casual glamour to everything she wears.

DITA VON TEESE
dress by Ulyana Sergeenko

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: *cartoon character with its eyes popping out, accompanied by the noise A-WOOGA, A-WOOGA*

Overall Performance: I love the truly bizarre print, the unique shape, and the jaw-dropping necklace. The platforms make me sad, though.

AISHWARYA RAI
gown by Elie Saab

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: Like the other Serious Actors/People Who Don’t Walk on a Runway for a Living, Aishwarya neglected the sideboob trend.

Overall Performance: A basic dress in a breathtaking color.

TONI GARRN
gown by Elie Saab, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Getty

Sideboob Factor: 5/10. Her neckline plunges practically to her navel, and she was still more covered up than half the women at this event.

Overall Performance: I’m not a fan of the mullet skirt, and I could not find a single photo where she was not lifting the skirt up. But the print is undeniably awesome.

KAROLINA KURKOVA
gown by Alexis Mabille, jewelry by Harry Winston

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 2½/10, with the extra half coming from her right boob.

Overall Performance: A nice color, and I adore the pockets, but things get kind of sloppy in the middle there.

DIANE KRUGER
dress by Chanel, shoes by Gianvito Rossi

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Sideboob Factor: N/A, Serious Actor here.

Overall Performance: Not nearly formal or memorable enough.

JOAN SMALLS
gown by Givenchy

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 4/10.

Overall Performance: I don’t love the shoulder cut-outs and I damn near hate the shoes, but she makes even ordinary outfits look incredible.

MARY J BLIGE
gown by Versace

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 1/10, but she makes up for it with top-boob.

Overall Performance: I think the art deco beading on this dress is so magnificent, I’m keeping it in mind for my wedding. But the yellow nails are killing me.

LILY DONALDSON
gown by Saint Laurent

Photo: Getty

Sideboob Factor: 11/10. She’s a sneeze away from being topless on the red carpet.

Overall Performance: Not the most interesting gown in the world, but the neckline definitely brings the drama.

JOURDAN DUNN
gown by Vera Wang, jewelry by Chopard, purse by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 2/10, with sideboob downsized in favor of that celebrity-beloved but Diva-loathed cut-out just under her cleavage.

Overall Performance: Hate the sternum cut-out and the mermaid shape; love the color and the draping.

SIENNA MILLER
gown by Ralph Lauren, jewelry by Swarovski, purse by Nathalie Trad

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 6/10.

Overall Performance: It apparently took 700 hours to embroider this gown with all those beads… and what a waste of time that was, when the gown doesn’t even fit her.

KENDALL JENNER
gown by Calvin Klein, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 6/10, which is surprisingly tame for a Kardashian.

Overall Performance: Too casual, and I’m not a fan of the styling.

RITA ORA
gown by Marchesa, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: N/A, because Rita’s breasts are in the process of transforming into wilted roses.

Overall Performance: Tacky and dated.

ANJA RUBIK
gown by Dsquared²

Photo: Getty

Sideboob Factor: 0/10. At least one model managed to escape this trend!

Overall Performance: This looks like a late-season Project Runway entry, and there is no worse insult than that.

ADRIANA LIMA
gown by Alexandre Vauthier, jewelry by Chopard, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Sideboob Factor: 3/10, cleavage game on fleek.

Overall Performance: Stop wearing bracelets over sleeves, Hollywood. You look dumb.

EVA LONGORIA
gown by Georges Hobeika

Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

Sideboob Factor: 4/10, because Eva Longoria didn’t get the memo that the actresses all decided they were too cool for sideboob.

Overall Performance: This is the world’s ugliest lingerie.

GIGI HADID
gown by Tom Ford, shoes by Aquazzura

Photo: Tristan Fewings/Getty

Sideboob Factor: ∞/10.

Overall Performance: Good LORD, this is difficult to look at.

IRINA SHAYK
gown and shoes by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Harry Winston

Photo: Ian Gavan/Getty

Sideboob Factor: Her boobs don’t seem to have sides, as they are perfectly concentric circles.

Overall Performance: This is Jennifer-Lopez-performing-in-Vegas levels of tacky.

Worst Dressed: LINDSEY WIXSON

Photo: Getty

Sideboob Factor/Overall Performance: Irrelevant. Little Black Riding Bra is just trying to find her way to grandmother’s house before she trips over her hideous skirt.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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Welcome to the fashion industry’s favorite self-congratulatory ego-fest! 

Best Dressed: JANELLE MONAE
dress by Tadashi Shoji, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Be still, my heart. Janelle brought it 1000%, and she is giving me all the Ellaria Sand from Game of Thrones caped realness I could ever want.

Runner-Up: DIANE KRUGER
gown by Prabal Gurung, jewelry by Monique Péan, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

It is impossible to go wrong when you combine Diane Kruger, Prabal Gurung, and a major fashion industry event. Always a recipe for jaw-dropping fabness.

Honorable Mention: AMANDA SEYFRIED
dress by Rodarte, jewelry by Monique Péan, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/WireImage

One more embellishment and she’d look like a craft store explosion, but this manages to just barely stay on this side of fabulous. It helps that the makeup is impeccable. Amanda Seyfried is TOO goddamn beautiful.

MICHELLE MONAGHAN
gown and purse by Monique Lhuillier, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

As tall, thin, and art-deco-fabulous as the mother-fucking Chrysler building.

TARAJI P. HENSON
gown by Vera Wang, earrings by Maxior, shoes by Gianvito Rossi

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/WireImage

The dress is actually not that remarkable, but I forgot that for awhile because Cookie is selling the ever-loving SHIT out of it.

COCO ROCHA
gown by Banana Republic

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Love the wintery pale gray of the dress juxtaposed with the dark lipstick. Also: pockets in a gown! A favorite of practical bitches everywhere.

KARLIE KLOSS
gown by Diane von Furstenberg

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/WireImage

The styling is only okay, but the gown is damn near perfect for her. I can’t even comprehend how long her legs look. They may actually be infinite.

JULIETTE LEWIS
gown by Christian Siriano

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

It could use a touch more polish in the fit of the top and the styling, but it’s fun and exuberant and Juliette Lewis just always looks like she’s having a great time while laughing at everyone around her. It’s extremely endaring.

JANUARY JONES
jumpsuit by J. Mendel, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth, purse by Rauwolf, shoes by Paul Andrew

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I know I should hate this, because those pants are a yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum away from being a pirate costume, but she really brought this look together with the styling. The casually twisted knot of the bodice is sexy as hell, and the necklace brings a touch of rocker chic flair.

PETRA NEMCOVA
gown by Max Azria Atelier

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

A fantastic color (though Cookie wore it better). Cut-outs might be overdone, but at least these are a little bit interesting.

ALEK WEK
gown by H&M

Photo: Getty

Not the most memorable dress, but a quietly gorgeous look.

BRITTANY SNOW
dress by Rachel Roy + RVN, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Casadei

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/FilmMagic

At such an industry-insider event, Brittany is a bit out-ranked in terms of red carpet slay-ability. Maybe that’s why she kind of seems like she’s playing dress-up someone else’s clothes.

VANESSA HUDGENS
gown by Sachin & Babi

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Hate the illusion top; love the two-tone skirt.

JOAN SMALLS
gown by Calvin Klein, jewelry by Jennifer Fisher, shoes by Aquazzura

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

It’s official: a sideboob addiction epidemic has swept the fashion industry. See also: 95% of the Cannes amfAR Gala attendees.

NATASHA POLY
gown and shoes by Michael Kors, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Getty

Necklines will get lower and slits will get higher, until one day, they meet in the middle, and the red carpet will finally become the nudist colony it has always longed to be.

EMMY ROSSUM
dress by Dion Lee, purse by Lee Savage, shoes by Paul Andrew

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I’ve seen this dress six thousand times this season.

LILY ALDRIDGE
dress by Thakoon, jewelry by Eva Fehern, purse by Lee Savage, shoes by Tabitha Simmons

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/FilmMagic

Make that six thousand and one.

NINA DOBREV
top and skirt by Lela Rose, earrings by H. Stern, purse by Lee Savage

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I hate her hair so much, it actually hurts.

KATHARINE MCPHEE
vest by Amanda Wakeley, top and skirt by Paule Ka, glasses by Leisure Society, purse by Lee Savage, shoes by Rene Caovilla

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Katharine McPhee’s definition of “nerd chic” is apparently a sleeveless labcoat, boring clothes, and Harry Potter glasses. I do not approve.

KATIE HOLMES
gown and jewelry by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

My eternal reaction to everything Katie Holmes wears:

CHRISSY TEIGEN
gown by Solace London, jewelry by David Yurman, purse by Swarovski, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

Basic.

KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST
Kim’s dress by Proenza Schouler

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Do they ever wear anything else? Also, Kayne’s slippers look cozy.

JEMIMA KIRKE
top and skirt by Rosie Assoulin

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Two words: Rotting pomegranate.

ASHLEY OLSEN and MARY-KATE OLSEN
ensembles by The Row, shoes by Chanel

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/FilmMagic

Does anyone have a spare sense of humor lying around? These two look like they could really use one.

Worst Dressed: JULIANNA MARGULIES
gown by Michael Kors

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I would rather have my eyes gouged out slowly with a spoon than look upon this travesty for another moment. GOOD DAY.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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This week, bitches got shit DONE in black and white. 

EMILIA CLARKE at the Terminator Genisys Berlin premiere
dress by Balenciaga

Photo: Isa Foltin/Getty

Yaaaaaas, Khaleesi! I had no idea she was such a fan of the House of Black and White, but her wardrobe proves she’s their most fashionable acolyte.

EMMY ROSSUM at the Vogue party in Los Angeles
dress by Blumarine

Photo: Donato Sardella/WireImage

Emmy Rossum is cute as a puppy-shaped button. Also, I’ve never been entirely convinced that she and Lily Collins (below) aren’t the same person.

LILY COLLINS at the London premiere of Bend it Like Beckham: The Musical
dress by Maje

Photo: Dan Wooller/Rex

Right? I mean, that’s just Emmy Rossum with a slightly more on-fleek brow. All these baby Audrey Hepburn wannabees look the same to me. But I will say, the black-on-black stripes are gorgeous and very on-trend. And by that I mean, I recently purchased a set of three-dollar nail decals with black-on-black stripes, so OBVIOUSLY that makes them a trend.

KIERNAN SHIPKA at the Coach party in New York
dress, bandana, purse, and shoes by Coach

Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

I will never be able to love flatforms, but I do appreciate the fact that as someone who was born in the 80s, I am old as fuck compared to Young Hollywood. And those tween-to-teen stars ADORE their fucking flatforms. So I won’t hold these against Kiernan Shipka, partly because I love everything else that’s happening here, but mostly because Sally Draper can do no wrong.

CARA DELEVINGNE in London
dress by Saint Laurent

Perfectly chic street style befitting the It-iest of current It Girls. Also, i want those shoes.

CARA DELEVINGNE at the Paper Towns London photocall
blazer by Saint Laurent

Photo: John Phillips/Getty

It’s not life-changing, but the military-inspired blazer is a lot of fun.

LILY JAMES at the Ralph Lauren Wimbledon party
blouse, skirt, and shoes by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Ian West/PA Images/Startraks

The outfit ages her by about a decade, but it’s got an effortless chicness that I’m enjoying.

ROSAMUND PIKE at the Shanghai Film Festival
dress by Erdem

Photo: ChinaFotoPress/Getty

Cool dress, but that asymmetrical haircut better be for a role. Unless you’re 19 and artsy, you really can’t pull off a hairstyle like this one.

ROSAMUND PIKE at the Shanghai Film Festival
dress by Givenchy

Photo: Getty

The dress is fussy and the hair has gone from a slight distraction to something I just cannot overlook. YOU LOOK LIKE A CHILD WHO CUT HER OWN HAIR. STOP IT.

HAILEE STEINFELD at the MuchMusic Video Awards
dress by Emilio Pucci, purse by Lee Savage, shoes by Sophia Webster

Photo: George Pimentel/WireImage

I hate the shoes with a fiery passion, but I love watching Hailee take some more grown-up risks with her wardrobe. She’s 18 now, but I’ve been following her fashion since she was a little wisp of a 14-year-old, and watching her red carpet game mature over the years has been a joy. She’s not perfect, but she always looks like she’s having fun with herself, and that’s more important to me than anything else.

GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE at the Ralph Lauren Wimbledon party
dress by Ralph Lauren

Photo: instyle.co.uk

The outfit isn’t exactly mind-blowing, but I could just stare at the awesomeness that is Brienne of Tarth all day, every day.

AMANDA SEYFRIED at the Ted 2 New York premiere
dress by Mugler

Photo: Kristina Bumphrey/Startraks

White girl cornrows were a CHOICE, and probably not a good one.

MILA KUNIS at the Faberge party in London
dress by Roland Mouret, jewelry by Gemfields

Photo: David M. Benett/Getty

Cute, but she’s been wearing this dress since like 2003. I’m over it.

MILA KUNIS at a Gemfields event in London
dress by Antonio Berardi, jewelry by Gemfields, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Karwai Tang/WireImage

It was mighty enterprising of Mila to repurpose a chef’s jacket into something kind of resembling a dress. But I can’t say I see a need for this. Are celebrity chefs so busy that they now need to go straight from the kitchen to the red carpet without so much as a wardrobe change?

ELIZABETH OLSEN at the Avengers: Age of Ultron Tokyo premiere
gown, necklace, and shoes by Christian Dior

Photo: Okauchi/Rex

Bulbous and weird, but I love the shoes.

JESSICA CHASTAIN at the Ralph Lauren Wimbledon party
dress by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Richard Young/Rex/Startraks

This is the fashion equivalent of Ambien.

SUKI WATERHOUSE at the Coach party in New York
dress, belt, purse, and shoes by Coach

Photo: Michael Loccisano/Getty

Oh, sweetie. I know you think this is just the height of fashion, but you look like a little girl who got lost in her parents’ closet. Try for some accessories that don’t fight with each other, and I might be able to take you seriously.

SARAH HYLAND at the MuchMusic Video Awards
gown by Solace London, purse by Rauwolf

Photo: Sonia Recchia/Getty

I could go on for hours about how we need to let the cut-out trend die at least a little bit, but OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING ON TOP OF HER HEAD AND IS SHE OKAY OR IS A HAIR DEMON ABOUT TO MURDER HER.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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New York! London! Milan! Paris! Mars!  (Oh, are there not fashion shows on Mars yet? Damn. Karl Lagerfeld really needs to get his shit together.)

JANELLE MONAE at the Chanel show
dress by Chanel

Photo: InDigital

I’m not sure it’s possible to go wrong with Janelle Monae in Chanel. It may not even be possible to go wrong with Janelle Monae in anything. There’s only a handful of people on earth who can match her level of fabness, and I can’t think of a single other celebrity who can stick so closely to her own personal aesthetic without becoming boring or predictable. Also: shoes = YUM.

Also, yes, the Chanel show was airport-themed, because OF COURSE Karl Lagerfeld would turn the Grand Palais into an airport. Actually, it’s so crazy-looking that you should probably check out more photos of the insanity here.

JANELLE MONAE at the Giambattista Valli show
dress by Giambattista Valli, purse by Elizabeth Weinstock, shoes by Sophia Webster

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

The purse distracts from the funky print of the outfit – and so does the hair. If I were Janelle, I’d have kept the braids, but tossed them behind my shoulders instead of in front, where they obscure the abstract geometric realness of the clothing. But I still adore this.

SOLANGE KNOWLES at the Prabal Gurung show

Photo: John Parra/Getty

This right here? This is why I fucking live for Solange Knowles, despite her penchant for batshit craziness. Armies of basic starlets in little black dresses flood fashion week every season, but Solange is just too goddamn interesting for that shit. She will wear day-glo, and she will wear ALL OF IT, and fuck you if you are blinded by the sight of this much fire-engine red. Solange does not care. She’s too busy being awesome.

SOLANGE KNOWLES at the Milly show
dress by Milly

Photo: Ben Gabbe/Getty

Ok, I may be drinking the Solange Kool-Aid, but I’m not BLIND. Green suede loafers….if that’s not a sign of the impending apocalypse, I don’t know what is.

RIHANNA at the Dior show
coat by Christian Dior

Photo: Rindoff/Le Segretain/Getty

File this under “only Rihanna” and “only at Fashion Week,” because this look could absolutely NEVER work under any other circumstances. I think she’s working the shit out of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not laughing my ass off at that torso-sized pocket. What purpose could that giant pocket even serve? I’m pretty sure the Game of Thrones giants are too busy riding mammoths to hit up a Dior show, and even Goliath would probably be all, “eh, that’s a tad on the big side for me.”

LÉA SEYDOUX at the Miu Miu show

Photo: Getty

Even though the “jacket hanging off the shoulders” thing is the bane of my existence – for God’s sake, celebrities, you either get to wear a coat, or not wear a coat, BUT YOU CANNOT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS – I’m on board. Mostly because when a French woman puts on a coat like this, I really can’t do much more than drool.

MIRANDA KERR at the Louis Vuitton show

Photo: Laurent Zabulon/Abaca/Startraks

JACKET SLEEVES GO ON YOUR ARMS, PEOPLE. THAT’S WHY THEY HAVE THOSE ARM-SHAPED HOLES IN THEM, YOU SEE? But also, why don’t I own an emerald leather jacket? Oh, because I’m not rich? Good call.

KIERNAN SHIPKA at the Valentino after-party

Photo: Francois Goize/WWD/Rex/Shutterstock

Hair: phenomenal. Color: stupendous. I’m not big on dresses that have that dustruffle-looking thing on the bottom, but shit, this is all so gorgeous I don’t even care.

KIERNAN SHIPKA at the 3.1 Phillip Lim show
top and pants by 3.1 Phillip Lim

Photo: Getty

Look at her little quasi-suit! Kiernan Shipka has to be careful – she’s so fucking cute that she may actually turn into a golden retriever puppy. But hopefully she will not accidentally step in her own poop, like I saw the golden retriever puppy that lives in my building do last week. (Although, honestly, in the life of a child star, anything is possible.)

KIERNAN SHIPKA at the Valentino show

Photo: Getty

I cannot justify this many different kinds of lace on one garment – not even for my beloved Kiernan.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN at the Vivienne Westwood show
gown by Vivienne Westwood

Photo: Getty

I can absolutely accept that some people will hate this. But it’s Vivienne Westwood as all hell, so I don’t think there’s really a more appropriate outfit for a VW show than this one. I mean, at least it’s not that strapless, pointy-necklined draped VW dress that every single starlet wore at least eleven times between 2005 and 2010. Also, it takes a bit of a badass to wear this skirt and say, “yeah, there’s a picnic blanket tacked onto my cocktail dress, WHAT OF IT?” So, respect.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN at the Emanuel Ungaro show
dress by Emanuel Ungaro

Photo: celebmafia.com

Fun as hell, but again, don’t try this at home. Some shit needs to stay either on the runway, or within the immediate vicinity of the runway.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN at the Kenzo show
jacket and pants by Kenzo

Photo: Getty

I don’t know who this loony grandma is, but I want to be her bestie.

HAILEE STEINFELD at the Prabal Gurung show

Photo: D. Dipasupil/Getty

I keep forgetting Hailee Steinfeld is all grown up and shit. Good for you, cutie. I think an LBD is a bit of a basic choice – it’s a fashion show! you can wear LITERALLY ANYTHING that designer has ever made! – but at least on the scale of LBDs, it’s not as boring as it could be.

EMILIA CLARKE at the Dior show
dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Photo: Getty

Okay, Daenerys Targaryen deserves something WAY more intricate and fantastic than this – I mean, your medieval-era costumes should not be cooler than your front-row fashion show gear. But I have to say, the sleek long bob (no, I will not call it a “lob,” because long bob does not take that long to say/type, and also “lob” sounds fucking stupid) is really working for her.

DIANNA AGRON at the Marc Jacobs show
dress by Marc Jacobs

Photo: Getty

Sweet and pretty, but a little more “wealthy socialite at an Upper East Side garden party” than you’d normally expect from someone attending a post-“GRACE JONES BUTCH REALNESS” Marc Jacobs event.

CARA DELEVINGNE at the Burberry show

Photo: Rex

I love the expression on her face (“can you believe I still have to pretend to care about shit like fashion shows? I’M A SUPER SRS ACTOR NOW U GUYZ”), and her shoes. But I’m going to need a fully reasoned explanation of why she’s wearing a sweater and some fabric that definitely doesn’t even come close to qualifying as a skirt.

LUPITA NYONG’O at the Boss show
dress by Boss, shoes by Paul Andrew

Photo: Getty

Actually, this is a little disappointing from the fashion powerhouse that is Lupita. I find that she’s often ridiculously phenomenal at major events, but her slightly more casual red carpet gear doesn’t blow me away the way her gowns do.

Also, my big sister used to put bows from birthday presents on her head when she was little, so I’m pretty sure Lupita stole that particular styling choice from her.

NICKI MINAJ at the Givenchy show
dress by Givenchy

Photo: BFA

She is a goddess in this dress, but the shoes are so pedestrian. (Well, I guess it would actually be quite difficult for your average pedestrian to walk around in those heels, but you know what I mean.)

OLIVIA WILDE at the Michael Kors show
dress by Michael Kors

Photo: Getty

I dig the print of the dress, but the accessories feel kind of cheesy. I’ll put the blame on Michael Kors, who hasn’t designed more than two interesting dresses in the last ten years, rather than Olivia, who is generally awesome and lovely.

KATE MARA at the Marc Jacobs show
dress by Marc Jacobs

Photo: Getty

Something about the high neckline combined with the Peter Pan haircut gives me the wiggins.

DAKOTA JOHNSON at the Gucci show
dress, purse, and shoes by Gucci

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

I may never decide whether I  actually hate Dakota Johnson’s style, or whether I just hate Fifty Shades so much that I cannot confine my hatred to the actual books/movie.

ALEXA CHUNG at the Gucci show
coat, dress, and shoes by Gucci

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

….. someone please tell me the back halves of those hideous old man shoes are not FURRY. SOMEONE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, REASSURE ME THAT ALEXA CHUNG IS NOT WEARING HALF-FUZZY-SLIPPER, HALF-OLD-MAN-LOAFERS TO A FUCKING FASHION SHOW.

JESSICA CHASTAIN at the Ralph Lauren show
jumpsuit by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Getty

Boring. I’m much more interested in how deliciously drunk Alec Baldwin looks in his front-row seat.

JULIANNE MOORE at the Ralph Lauren show
dress by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Getty

C’mon, Julianne. You’re better than this.

CIARA at the Givenchy show
gown by Givenchy

Photo: BFA

Nope. A big bag of nope. Actually, a truckload of nope. No – a LANDFILL of nope.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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Mmmm. Another batch of delicious Mockingjay red-carpety goodness. 

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the New York premiere
gown by Schiaparelli

Photo: Michael Stewart/WireImage

For me, this is peak J.Law, and you’ll notice that she’s not wearing Dior. Dior tends to just throw garments at Jennifer without even bothering to consider whether they work with her persona and personal style. Remember that sheer gown from the Catching Fire press tour? Was there ever a gown that made her look more like the “fashion monkey” she proclaims herself to be – you know,  a little toy for designers to throw a bunch of fabric onto, then laugh at how ridiculous she looks, and then still rake in the publicity from Jen being the face of their brand? Maybe it’s time for a move to Schiaparelli, a label that’s managing to capture a dark, haunting beauty, without making Jen look like she’s being secretly mocked by her stylist. The sheer top/bra/necklace combo has just a hint of an early-90s Madonna vibe that I adore, and the dark lip accents that perfectly. It’s not so Fashion-with-a-capital-F that it makes her look out of her element, but it’s stylish enough to look like the coolest possible version of Jennifer. Well done.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the Los Angeles premiere
gown by Christian Dior

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

I love the scalloped plunging neckline, and the almost universally-flattering structured seaming, and the crimped faux-bedhead. It’s hard to seem relatable in Dior, but something about the hair and the cool-chick pose and the bracelet accomplishes that lofty goal.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the Madrid premiere
gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo: AKM-GSI

Okay, the hair just became a problem. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume Madrid had a wave of intense humidity, or maybe an infestation of wild birds that attacked J.Law’s head on her way into the theater. I’m thinking her dedication to monochromatic looks is a reminder that this movie is going to be supremely fucking dark and emotionally devastated. (I could not be more excited to see it.) Anyway, I dig the lace, and particularly the way it looks unfinished around the neckline, but I can’t say this dress is really blowing my mind.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the Paris photocall
dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Photo: PA

Photocalls are the best, because they call for more casual outfits, which in turn allow us to view THOSE BOOTS WHICH ARE JUST DEVASTATINGLY BADASS. I’m not even sure they really go with this dress, but I’m much more certain that I don’t care.  The dress is adorable – the extra-long sleeves with the little slit for her thumbs are a great detail – and the boots are amazing, and they’re not so different that I can’t enjoy the look as a whole.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the Beijing premiere
gown by Christian Dior

Photo: instyle.co.uk

It’s pretty, but that should be a baseline, not a goal. I need a little bit more than just a pretty dress, particularly when the hair and makeup isn’t working with it.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the Paris premiere
gown by Christian Dior

Photo: KCS/Splash News

I get it. She’s been hopping from city to city for weeks promoting this movie – I completely understand the urge to just phone it in and wear a nightgown. At least hers sort of resembles actual clothing – I wish I could say the same for her co-star Woody Harrelson. (But we’ll get to his red carpet disaster in a minute.)

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at the Madrid photocall
dress by Mugler, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Getty

This look almost makes me angry, because it could be absolutely perfect with just a few tweaks. But it looks about a half-size too big, making her entire body look like a rectangle, and it doesn’t hit her body in any of the right places. She actually looks photoshopped into this dress, it’s so poorly fit. And there is no excuse for that shit. Fire someone for this, Jen.

ELIZABETH BANKS at the Los Angeles premiere
gown by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

Elizabeth Banks is all wrapped up like a Christmas present, and I am HERE FOR IT. Still managing to find a way to bring Effie’s glittery aesthetic to the table, even for the somber final film. This fits her like a glove, and she’s positively oozing glamour in it.

ELIZABETH BANKS on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
dress by Monique Lhuillier

Photo: Mark Davis/Getty

Take note – this is the perfect talk show dress. Fun and eye-catching without being distracting, and long enough that you don’t accidentally flash the audience any thigh when you take a seat on Jimmy Fallon’s couch.

JENA MALONE at the Los Angeles premiere
gown by Gauri & Nainika, necklace by Irene Neuwirth, purse by Rauwolf

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

I bow down to the altar of Jena. Her only mistake was choosing a necklace that distracts from the absolute heaven that is this dress. It definitely needed a necklace, but something much more subtle would have let us focus on the architecture of that dramatic skirt, instead of competing with it the way this monster of a necklace does.

JENA MALONE at the New York premiere
dress by Emanuel Ungaro, shoes by Paul Andrew

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

I’m not even totally sure what I’m looking at – I think her top is held together by seatbelts, grommets, and a prayer – but I know it wouldn’t work on almost anyone else on the planet. Jena is just weird and cool enough to pull it off – but only just. And it’s still a stupid fucking dress – she just manages to eclipse its stupidity with her awesomeness.

JULIANNE MOORE at the New York premiere
dress by Chanel

Photo: Michael Loccisano/Getty

Looking like a Christmas present, a la Elizabeth Banks, is one thing. Looking like a Christmas TREE is quite another. I don’t know what the fuck is happening here, but I do not approve. I thought ginger extraordinaire Julianne Moore could never find a green look that didn’t agree with her, but alas, sometimes even the Diva is wrong.

NATALIE DORMER at the Los Angeles premiere
gown by Vivienne Westwood

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

What a sad-looking dress. The gutter-water color combined with the wrinkled draping just makes this dress looks like it was recently run over by a limo. Queen Margaery deserves better.

NATALIE DORMER at the New York premiere
jacket, blouse, skirt, and boots by Roland Mouret

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

This would have rated an A+ for a photocall, but it’s not quite formal or dramatic enough for a premiere. If the star’s in a ball gown, you better at least be going for a statement-making cocktail dress or a formal jumpsuit. Otherwise you look like the sister/personal assistant of one of the film’s stars, which is probably not what Natalie was going for.

WILLOW SHIELDS at the Los Angeles premiere
gown by Naeem Khan

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

Way, WAY too much dress for that little girl. But I love her “just try and fuck with me” pose/smirk combo.

LIAM HEMSWORTH at the Madrid photocall

Photo: Carlos Alvarez/Getty

Because red carpet double-standards exist, men often fail at the more casual events, because they veer way too far into casual land, while their co-stars break ankles in five-inch heels. But I will hold up Liam as the ideal look for a daytime event: if you’re wearing sneakers, they better be adorable, and you better be pairing them with black pants and a slick blazer.

LIAM HEMSWORTH at the New York premiere
suit by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

There’s nothing particularly remarkable about this suit, other than the delicious man wearing it.

JOSH HUTCHERSON at the New York premiere

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

You can yell at him for not wearing a tie, but that doesn’t bother me. At least the shirt is interesting and he doesn’t look like a middle-aged banker.

JOSH HUTCHERSON at the Los Angeles premiere
suit by Z Zegna

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

This is a shame, because if it were just a little bit less tight and a lot less shiny, it would be a goddamn perfect suit for him. He looks stunning in this color, while most dudes are too afraid to veer from black, gray, and navy in their suits. But as is, this is kind of a problem.

SAM CLAFLIN at the Los Angeles premiere

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

Brush your goddamn hair.

SAM CLAFLIN at the New York premiere

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

No, seriously, Finnick, BRUSH YOUR FUCKING HAIR.

WOODY HARRELSON at the Paris premiere

Photo: Bertrand Rindoff Petroff/Getty

I have never been so offended by pajamas in my entire life. I always resent a man who stands next to a woman who had to spend four hours in hair, makeup, and wardrobe, insisting he’s making a “statement” by not giving any fucks. You can say what you want about the silliness of red carpet expectations – and you’d be absolutely right – but the man is NOT WEARING SHOES. IN PUBLIC. If you’re not about to enter a body of water, THERE IS NO FUCKING EXCUSE FOR THAT SHIT. Go home, Haymitch. You’re drunk.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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Welcome back to the drunken hot mess that is the Golden Globes!

Best Dressed: ZENDAYA COLEMAN
gown by Marchesa

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

It was not so long ago that more than one of my weekly fashion recaps would end with a photo of Zendaya and the following gif:

Such were the dubious fashion choices of a young starlet. But over the past year, Zendaya has started to blow this old diva’s mind with her style. The Golden Globes were no exception. She went for print and color and texture and high drama, and I ate it up with a spoon. Not every woman can work a silhouette like this, but Zendaya’s got the fashion caliber to pull it off. Bonus points for not adding a necklace (so many basic bitches would have) and letting the dress’s neckline sing.

Runner-Up: CATE BLANCHETT
gown by Givenchy, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

Before the red carpet started, I heard someone on E! ask, “Who will be the best dressed of the night?” I shouted “CATE BLANCHETT” back at my TV, and I wasn’t far off the mark. Cate has the unique quality that lets her wear insane runway-ready pieces. But god bless her, she never wears the same sort of gown twice, unlike some actresses I’ll get to in the next post (*cough* ROONEY MARA *cough*). The gown is goddamn artwork, and the styling is somehow classic and futuristic at the same time, with that space-age chignon on the side of her head. I simply adore this woman.

Honorable Mention: JENNA DEWAN-TATUM
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

Like many of us, I didn’t know quite how awesome Jenna Dewan-Tatum was until I saw her performance of “Pony” to her husband Channing on Lip Sync Battle recently. Now, she’s making my jaw drop with her red carpet game. This dress was the Pony of the red carpet. (Can we make that a thing? If something is really good, like Channing and/or Jenna gyrating to “Pony” good, can we just call it a Pony?) Anyway, Jessica’s fashion game was about as on-point as her husband’s hair was TERRIBLE.

Photo: Getty

I have stared into the eyes of the devil, and seen only that greasy lock of hair in Channing’s face.

NATALIE DORMER
gown by J. Mendel

Photo: Jim Smeal/BEI/Shutterstock

Queen Margaery is another one who’s had an epic year on the red carpet, and though her hair is quite upsetting to me, her dress was a bold choice. She’s never one to shy away from a risk – like Jena Malone, that means she’ll occasionally fail, but I’ll love her to death for keeping me interested.

JULIANNE MOORE
gown by Tom Ford, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

This was gorgeous, but it would have had ten times the impact if fellow ginger Bryce Dallas Howard hadn’t already walked the red carpet in a stellar sapphire gown.

CAITRIONA BALFE
gown by Alexander McQueen

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

I don’t totally know who this is – Google tells me she’s on Outlander – but this was a RISK for a lesser-known star, and it paid off.

SAOIRSE RONAN
gown by Saint Laurent, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

I finally know how to pronounce her name! It rhymes with inertia! (Thanks, Eddie Redmayne.) Anyway, if you want minimalism done right, look no further than Saoirse. Also: there were SO MANY CAPES at this event. Like, Comic-Con amounts of capes. This one worked particularly well, balancing out that glorious sideboob and the delicate styling.

JUDITH LIGHT

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

FUCK YOU IF YOU DON’T LIKE JUDITH LIGHT’S IVORY TUXEDO, OKAY? JUDITH LIGHT IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.

ALAN CUMMING

Photo: Tammie Arroyo/AFF

A note to Jason Sudeikis: if you insist on wearing sneakers with a suit, they better be FUCKING FABULOUS sneakers. Alan Cumming and his Harry Potter glasses will show you the way.

SOPHIA BUSH
gown by Narciso Rodriguez

Photo: Kevork Djansezian/NBC

She’s walking that fine line between minimalist and boring, but the gorgeous styling keeps it just interesting enough for me.

RACHEL BLOOM
gown by Christian Siriano, jewelry by H. Stern, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Tammie Arroyo/AFF

I don’t love the proportions of this gown for her, and the color is a tad old-fashioned, but no one on earth was as happy as Rachel Bloom was when she won that Golden Globe. Her total radiance was fabulous enough to make up for the red carpet errors that are common amongst new starlets on the block.

AMBER HEARD
gown by Gucci

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

I loved this at first, and then decided it was painfully boring, and now I don’t even know where I land on it. Any thoughts? I adore the neckline, but I really expected Amber to aim for something more daring than this.

ANGELA BASSETT
gown by Safiyaa

Photo: Kevork Djansezian/NBC

This would have been an amazing look if the dress actually fit her.

HEIDI KLUM
gown by Marchesa

Photo: Alberto Rodriguez/NBC/Getty

Heidi in a plunging neckline and fringe? No shit. How positively revolutionary.

LILY JAMES
gown by Marchesa

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

The fact that you can see where on her shoulder the illusion netting ends? That is destroying any hope this gown had of working for me. It’s not a particularly interesting look to start with, but that detail just kills me.

KATY PERRY
gown by Prada, jewelry by Harry Winston

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

I thought we all agreed like eight years ago that Bump-Its were crimes against humanity, except when deployed at costume parties. And when did Katy Perry become boring? I’ve never been the biggest fan of her red carpet fashion, but lately, it just feels like she’s phoning it in.

EVA LONGORIA
gown by Georges Hobeika

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

Would that my grandmother were alive to see this dress. Bubbie would have been absolutely thrilled to see one of her handmade embroidered tablecloths walk down the red carpet.

TAYLOR SCHILLING
suit by Thakoon, jewelry by Monique Pean, purse by Anya Hindmarch, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

Ugh, Piper is the WOOORST.

KATE WINSLET
gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

She has worn this dress to every goddamn awards show for the last decade. I can’t take it anymore.

Worst Dressed: AMANDA PEET
gown by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Jim Smeal/BEI/Shutterstock

This is a cry for help.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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Welcome to your #Oscars2016 red carpet predictions – just in time for Hollywood’s biggest night of the year.

red carpet prediction: ALICIA VIKANDER
Louis Vuitton Resort 2016
model: Shanna Jackway

Photo: Alessandro Garofalo/InDigital

Why Alicia? Because she’s the poster girl for Louis Vuitton coolness.

Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton

red carpet prediction: BRIE LARSON
Valentino Spring 2016 couture
model: Yana Van Ginnekin

Photo: Yannis Vlamos/InDigital

Why Brie? Because she loves nothing more than a metallic embellishment.

Brie Larson in Calvin Klein, Valentino, Giambattista Valli, and Dolce & Gabbana

red carpet prediction: CATE BLANCHETT
Armani Privé Spring 2016 couture

Photo: Kim Weston Arnold/InDigital

Why Cate? Because no one slays harder in Armani gowns.

Cate Blanchett in Armani

red carpet prediction: CHARLIZE THERON
Christian Dior Pre-Fall 2016

Photo: Collier Schorr/Dior

Why Charlize? Because what was the point of that very annoying “j’adore Dior” commercial song if not to remind us how much Charlize adores Dior?

Charlize Theron in Christian Dior

red carpet prediction: DAISY RIDLEY
J. Mendel Fall 2016

Photo: Monica Feudi/InDigital

Why Daisy? Because this Star Wars starlet loves her monochromatic embellished looks.

Daisy Ridley in Chloé, Roland Mouret, Giambattista Valli, & Chanel

red carpet prediction: EMILY BLUNT
Jenny Packham Fall 2016

Photo: Aitor Rosas/InDigital

Why Emily? Because she loves a metallic take on a classic gown.

Emily Blunt in Stella McCartney, Emilio Pucci, Alexander McQueen, & Prada

red carpet prediction: JENNIFER LAWRENCE
Christian Dior Spring 2016 couture

Photo: Yannis Vlamos/InDigital

Why Jennifer? Because she’s contractually obligated to wear Dior until the end of time.

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior

red carpet prediction: JESSICA CHASTAIN
Givenchy Fall 2015
Model: Ajak Deng

Photo: Monica Feudi/Feudiguaineri

Why Jessica? Because no one wears textured Givenchy better.

Jessica Chastain in Givenchy

red carpet prediction: JULIANNE MOORE
Chanel Spring 2016 couture
Model: Mariacarla Boscono

Photo: Yannis Vlamos/InDigital

Why Julianne? Because Chanel’s embellishments are her bread and butter.

Julianne Moore in Chanel

red carpet prediction: KATE MARA
Valentino Spring 2016 couture
Model: Bara Podzimkova

Photo: Yannis Vlamos/InDigital

Why Kate? Because she can’t live without Valentino prints in earthy neutral tones.

Kate Mara in Valentino

red carpet prediction: KERRY WASHINGTON
Marchesa Fall 2016

Photo: Luca Tombolini/InDigital

Why Kerry? Because she’s always going monochromatic in off-shoulder dresses.

Kerry Washington in Boss, J. Mendel, Oscar de la Renta, & Balenciaga

red carpet prediction: LADY GAGA
Brandon Maxwell Fall 2016

Photo: Luca Tombolini/InDigital

Why Gaga? Because she’s gone classic and understated in Brandon Maxwell for the past year.

Lady Gaga in Brandon Maxwell

red carpet prediction: LUPITA NYONG’O
Giambattista Valli Spring 2016
model: Roos Abels

Photo: Yannis Vlamos/InDigital

Why Lupita? Because no one makes pleats and drapes look more beautiful.

Lupita in Gucci, Giambattista Valli, Prada, & Gucci

red carpet prediction: RACHEL MCADAMS
Elie Saab Spring 2016
model: Lily Donaldson

Photo: Yannis Vlamos/InDigital

Why Rachel? Because she always brings the romance in Elie Saab.

Rachel McAdams in Elie Saab

red carpet prediction: REESE WITHERSPOON
Ralph Lauren Fall 2016

Photo: Luca Tombolini/InDigital

Why Reese? Because she’s all about minimalist gowns with old Hollywood twists.

Reese Witherspoon in Armani, Stella McCartney, Calvin Klein, & Tom Ford

red carpet prediction: ROONEY MARA
Alexander McQueen Fall 2016

Photo: Kim Weston Arnold/InDigital

Why Rooney? Because no one looks more ethereal in McQueen.

Rooney Mara in McQueen

red carpet prediction: ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY
Tom Ford Spring 2016

Photo: Tom Ford

Why Rosie? Because she loves to let it all hang out in sheer panels.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Gucci, Galvan, Cushnie et Ochs, & Versace

red carpet prediction: SAOIRSE RONAN
Naeem Khan Fall 2016

Photo: Marcus Tondo/InDigital

Why Saoirse? Because she prefers her gowns simple but feminine.

Saoirse Ronan in Burberry, Lanvin, Michael Kors, & Saint Laurent

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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Are you all caught up on Part 1? Good. I hope you’ve stretched. . 

Best Dressed: CATE BLANCHETT
gown by Armani Privé, jewelry by Tiffany & Co. purse by Roger Vivier

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

Cate Blanchett is not human. She is a goddamn magical woodland nymph masquerading as an actress. GAG ON HER ETHEREAL FLORAL EMBELLISHMENTS. No creature in the multiverse does it better.

Runner-Up: CHRISSY TEIGEN
gown by Marchesa

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

I have no words. Only gifs.

WERK!

Honorable Mention: SOPHIE TURNER
gown by Galvan, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

This photo absolutely does not do this gown justice- it looks grayish here, but it’s more of a very pale seafoam green, and it matches her eyes perfectly. A close-up, for proof:

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

I mean, that is pure magnificence. The red hair, green eyes, and matching gown would have been more than enough, but adding those light green earrings and the diamond necklace was genius. Go on and get it, Lady Sansa.

SANDY POWELL

Photo: INF

Remember when the E! red carpet so-called fashion commentators told us this was Tilda Swinton? And spent a few minutes discussing the outfit without noticing it was Bowie-inspired? It’s really shameful that anyone ever gave Giuliana Rancic a microphone, let alone Kris Jenner. God help us all. Anyway, costumer Sandy Powell is my patronus. That is all.

EMILY BLUNT
gown by Prada

Photo: Getty

Three cheers for the soon-to-be-mamas on the red carpet: between Emily here, Chrissy above, and Anne Hathaway at the after-party (don’t worry, that post is coming), the pregnant starlets brought out all the stops. I might have loved this even more in a more interesting color, but I dig the silhouette. And the embellished straps are my favorite.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE
gown by Christian Dior

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

I kind of resent J.Law for not walking the red carpet. But maybe she’s as tired as we are of seeing herself in dramatic Dior gowns that don’t really suit her. She just looks infinitely better when she steers clear of fussy, romantic gowns and sticks to things that are modern and forward-thinking. It’s not that she doesn’t look beautiful – it’s just that someone needs to get her out of this goddamn Dior contract already.

KATE WINSLET
gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo Getty

Okay, there are certainly more interesting gowns out there than this one, but I promise you, Kate Winslet hasn’t worn one in at least a decade. It was nice to at least see her try out this liquid-metal-looking fabric, even if the silhouette didn’t veer much from her usual gowns.

BRIE LARSON
gown by Gucci

Photo: Getty

Brie Larson’s fashion game varies quite a bit, but she tends to keep things interesting, which I always respect. I hate this belt, and I’m not crazy about the pleated ruffles all over this thing, but at least she didn’t bore me. And the color is magnificent.

NAOMI WATTS
gown by Armani Privé, jewelry and purse by Bulgari

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

This one makes me sad, because the dress is SO fantastic, but virtually every other detail was an egregious error. The purse and necklace and lipstick belong with three different outfits (and none of those outfits are the one she’s wearing). And I simply cannot understand why anyone would voluntarily wear their hair like this. The color is terrible for her skin tone, and the cut is batshit. And not the cool batshit that the young kids are getting away with. This is old-school, why-is-this-happening batshit.

OLIVIA WILDE
gown by Valentino, jewelry by Neil Lane, purse by Roger Vivier

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Is it a collar? Is it a choker? Either way, I think it’s clearly a terrible idea. Also, this very weird-looking gown only gets stranger from the back:

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

Well, Olivia just found her favorite designer a new slogan: Valentino gives you wiiiiiiiiiings!

JENNIFER GARNER
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Neil Lane

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the 2001 Oscars!

AMY POEHLER
gown by Andrew Gn

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

I love things that are off-beat and weird, but this doesn’t actually feel anything like an Oscars gown. It’s not that it’s casual, per se, it’s just completely out of left field. Is that one loose sleeve and one caped sleeve? And isn’t this kind of a strange combination of blossoms, leaves, butterflies, and unidentified flying objects?

MINDY KALING
gown by Elizabeth Kennedy, jewelry by Effy

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

I went back and forth between loving and hating this all night. I wanted to see her in an interesting and bright color, but I dug the off-shoulder sleeves. I’m not a fan of the train, but then Mindy turned around and revealed…

Photo: Getty

…. uh, whatever this is. I was initially shocked, then in love, and now that love has cooled to a lukewarm feeling of strangeness. Help me out, divas. What do you make of this thing?

REESE WITHERSPOON
gown by Oscar de la Renta

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

Well, if she gets hungry, she can always hide some snacks in those boob lumps.

KERRY WASHINGTON
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Harry Winston

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

Weird for weird’s sake, and not particularly nice to look out. It’s a strange combination of fabrics, an awkward silhouette, and not particularly formal. Kerry can do so much better.

Worst Dressed: HEIDI KLUM
gown by Marchesa

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

About once or twice a year, words fail me. I find myself utterly speechless, and every time it happens, it’s because Heidi Klum has decided to attend a major awards show. But since a picture is worth a thousand words, and a gif is worth a thousand pictures, I think my only possible response to this dress is:

—

That’s it for the main event, but I’ve got 3 (yes, THREE) posts full of after-parties fashion in the works for you. Check back soon, divas!

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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Welcome to the 2016 Met Gala! 

This year’s theme was “Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology.” Sadly, about half the attendees ignored the theme entirely, and 90% of the rest heard “technology” and thought, “I know – SILVER!” The basicness of this entire event was best summed up in this tweet:

Silvers and metallics. For technology. #MetGala pic.twitter.com/3JoC2jJXqr

— Chris Hanna (@Chris_Hanna) May 3, 2016

So, get ready for a sea of basicness (including one post reserved specifically for the most Basic of Bitches) and the very occasional interesting gown.

Best Dressed: EMMA WATSON
top, skirt, and pants by Calvin Klein

Photo: Rabbani and Solimene/Getty

No, it’s not as glamorous as what we ordinarily think of when we think of the Met Gala. But Emma managed to pay extremely close attention to the theme – her clothes are made entirely out of recycled plastic bottles, and environmentally-friendly fashion is a fantastic spin on the theme. She looks cool, and weird, and surprising, and she would not have worn this to any other event but the Met Gala. Those are basically all the boxes I check when I’m looking for Best Dressed at this particular event. I’ll take something thoughtful and conversation-starting like this over a pretty gown any day of the week, but especially at an event where you can get away with anything, and the theme demands that you at least try.

Runner-Up: NICOLE KIDMAN
gown by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

Serving evil space queen realness. On-point, on-theme, and on-brand for Nicole’s ice queen persona. See, you didn’t have to wear a robot suit to adhere to the theme. But you needed more than just “silver.” This evokes feelings of space-age technology, and her cape looks like someone wove it out of stars. That’s some beautiful shit right there. And let’s get a close-up on that tiara thingie:

Photo: Tom and Lorenzo

If Princess Leia wore a tiara, it would be this one.

Honorable Mention: GIGI HADID and ZAYN MALIK
gown by Tommy Hilfiger; tuxedo by Versace

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

This is the first time I’ve ever cared about either of these people, so they clearly did their jobs. Gigi’s outfit isn’t my favorite, but I think it reflects the theme better than most (though, as you’ll see, that’s a VERY low bar). The real champion of the evening was Zayn, who was one of the only men on the red carpet to even attempt dressing for the theme. And I know Twitter mocked him ceaselessly for that robot arm, but they can all fuck off, because it was an absolutely BRILLIANT idea for this particular event.

ZOE SALDANA
gown by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Clearly one of the most beautiful gowns of all time. If anything about it recalled technology in any way, it would have gotten my top spot, easily. But she could have worn this to any major event, which automatically disqualifies it from the Best Dressed, because the Met Gala is ALL about the theme. (Or, it’s supposed to be. Otherwise, why have a fucking theme at all?) Regardless, I can still squee over the sheer stunning beauty of this incredible gown. And you need to fucking deal with this train:

Photo: Go Fug Yourself

This gives me chills. And I don’t even like trains.

KARLIE KLOSS
gown by Brandon Maxwell

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

The more subtle nods to technology are visible here. The stiff sculpting of the dress (which looks almost like 3D-printing) and the light-up purse put Karlie miles ahead of the rest of her squad (most of whom landed in the Basic Bitches post). She really looks like she’s on a red carpet fifty years in the future, and I think that’s fucking great.

NAOMI WATTS
gown by Burberry

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

See, we’re only like six looks from the top of the post, and things are already starting to fall apart. This is very beautiful, and a clear winner compared to most of the red carpet, but I need something more than, “I know! I’ll wear an ass-ton of mirrors!” for a theme as broad and far-reaching as this one.

RAMI MALEK
tuxedo by Dior

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Okay, it has nothing to do with the theme, but that electric blue is INCREDIBLE, and he’s one of maybe three men who didn’t wear a basic black tux, so let’s give Rami some credit for that. Not sure black shoes were the way to go, but he is all-around delectable.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY
gown and purse by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

Yes, we’ve already hit the “normal gown with one metal thing on it, because that counts as adhering to the theme, right?” portion of the evening. This is very beautiful and almost immediately forgettable.

EMILY BLUNT
gown by Michael Kors

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

Aight, I’ll give the third-trimester ladies a break. Most technology is heavy or uncomfortable to wear, and Emily is already carrying around an extra person everywhere she goes, so she gets a pass for just looking impeccably beautiful instead of technologically advanced.

ADRIANA LIMA
gown by Giambattista Valli, purse by Roger Vivier, shoes by Oscar de la Renta

Photo: Jamie McCarthy

The dress is cute in a weird sort of way, but I couldn’t have told you the theme from looking at it if my life depended on it. And I swear to God, if I see that Roger Vivier purse one more time, I’m going to scream. I think it’s been at every major red carpet event for the last six years. I get it – it’s nice and it goes with everything – but seriously, if you have access to every clutch known to man, maybe you can retire this one.

IDRIS ELBA
tuxedo by Tom Ford

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

I think he’s wearing an Apple Watch, so I guess that’s something. Mostly this is here because Idris is a perfect human specimen.

ELLE FANNING
gown by Thakoon, necklace by Tiffany & Co.

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Elle Fanning looks a little bit like a very cute robot in everything she wears, but I’m not sure that actually counts as adhering to the theme. This is another for the “phenomenal for a different event, but not theme-y enough” list.

UMA THURMAN
gown by Tommy Hilfiger

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

From the front, I found this boring, weirdly-cut, and ugly. And then I saw the rear view, which…

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

Because nothing says “tech” like ass cleavage, amirite?

LÉA SEYDOUX

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

That vaguely disgusted expression on Jenna Lyons’s face in the background? That’s pretty much exactly how I feel about this outfit. I expect much more from Ms. Seydoux.

DEMI LOVATO
gown by Moschino

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

I think this only ranks this high because I think Demi Lovato is cool. But I kind of hate everything about this.

MICHELLE WILLIAMS
dress by Louis Vuitton, bracelet by Cartier

Photo: Arroyo-OConnor/AFF

Michelle, if you’re only going to hit the red carpet once a year, you REALLY need to try harder than this.

JENNIFER CONNELLY
dress by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

There were a shocking number of starlets who heard “technology” and thought, “I know – HIDEOUS BOOTS!” Your guess is as good as mine.

ALICIA VIKANDER
dress by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Jennifer Connelly’s look was already terrible. And Alicia Vikander somehow wore almost the same thing, but EVEN MORE HIDEOUS. And I love Alicia’s fashion risks, but this? No.

SAOIRSE RONAN
gown by Christopher Kane

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

I don’t even know what I’m looking at. Maybe I’m safer that way.

MIRANDA KERR
top, skirt, and purse by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Truly one of the ugliest outfits I’ve ever seen. This was a triple-whammy: hideous, not nearly formal enough for the Met Gala, and not remotely related to the theme. Usually, even the tackier starlets can at least get one out of the three (beautiful, formal, or theme-adherent), but Miranda Kerr failed on all counts.

KERRY WASHINGTON
gown by Marc Jacobs, shoes by Gianvito Rossi

Photo: Kevin Mazur

I don’t believe in “pregnancy brain,” but I think it’s pretty clear that there were a LOT of hormones involved in Kerry’s decision to wear Elvira’s pajamas to the Met Gala.

EMMA ROBERTS
gown by Tory Burch, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris

I hate so very many things about this, but the styling is a crime against humanity.

There’s much more Met Gala to come in Part 2, Part 3, and of course, the Basic Bitches post, so stay tuned!

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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Because if the starlets don’t give any fucks, neither should we. 

TAYLOR SWIFT
dress by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Kevin Mazur

Whoever convinced you that chlorinated-platinum hair was working for you has clearly been on your payroll for too long, Taylor. Time to cut them off. Also, I’m pretty sure you can get that dress AND those boots at every Spencer’s Gifts at every mall in America.

LILY ALDRIDGE
gown by Michael Kors

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

This is the only dress Lily Aldridge has ever worn. But now it’s in gold. Kudos for the glittery brows, but that’s not enough to take this off the BASIC list.

JOURDAN DUNN
gown by Balmain

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

I probably would have liked this, if like five other basic bitches hadn’t worn the same fucking dress.

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO
gown by Balmain, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

The knitwear version of the same fucking dress.

KYLIE JENNER
gown by Balmain, shoes by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

The ice dancer version of the same fucking dress.

KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST
Kim’s gown and Kanye’s jacket by Balmain

Photo: Jamie McCarthy

The “I made my husband wear it too!” version of the same fucking dress.

JOAN SMALLS
gown by Balmain

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

The sleeveless version of the same fucking dress.

NAOMI CAMPBELL
gown by Roberto Cavalli

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

The black version of the same fucking dress.

OLIVIA WILDE
gown by Michael Kors

Grommets? Really? That’s the best you could do?

KATE UPTON
gown by Topshop, purse by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

If it’s too matronly for Helen Mirren, a 23-year-old probably shouldn’t be wearing it.

RITA ORA
gown by Vera Wang

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

How many geese on ecstasy had to die for this dress?

LENA DUNHAM
tuxedo by J. Crew

I theoretically could have liked this, if Lena weren’t cosplaying as Jenna Lyons. And, of course, if it had anything to do with the theme.

ASHLEY OLSEN and MARY-KATE OLSEN

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Fuck you both. If you’re too good for the red carpet, STOP SHOWING UP.

JENNIFER HUDSON
gown by H&M

Photo: Jamie McCarthy

Mazel tov on your wedding, Jennifer!

JESSICA CHASTAIN
gown by Prada, earrings and watch by Piaget

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

She’s been stuck in a style rut for far too long.

KATIE HOLMES

Photo: John Shearer

Careful, Katie, or you’ll trip on those hair extensions.

BLAKE LIVELY
gown by Burberry, earrings by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

So aggressively ignorant of the theme, it actually makes me angry.

BOBBY CANAVALE and ROSE BYRNE
tuxedo and gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Blech.

SIENNA MILLER
gown by Gucci

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Snooze.

NINA DOBREV
gown by Marchesa

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

Beautiful, for a different event.

AMBER HEARD
gown by Ralph Lauren, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Larry Busacca

Has she ever worn anything else?

ALEXA CHUNG
suit by Thakoon

Photo: Jamie McCarthy

Elton John wants his pajamas back.

And that concludes our Met Gala coverage! Check back soon for all the most devastatingly gorgeous looks from the Cannes Film Festival.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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You didn’t think I’d forgotten about you, did you? 

Best Dressed: KERRY WASHINGTON
gown by Brandon Maxwell

Photo: Jim Smeal/BEI

Serving up Ursula the sea witch realness on a platter.

Runner-Up: SARAH HYLAND
gown and pants by Monique Lhuillier, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Emma Watson did it better, but it’s unfair to compare any normal celebrity to March Fabness champion and feminist icon extraordinaire Hermione Granger. Sarah looks gorgeous and interesting, which is all that matters.

Honorable Mention: GATEN MATARAZZO, CALEB MCLAUGHLIN, and MILLIE BOBBIE BROWN
Millie’s dress by Valentino Red, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood

Photo: Phil McCarten/Invision

Fuck every grown-ass adult at this event. Gaten is the cutest fucking child actor who has ever lived. Every man on this red carpet should be bowing down to Caleb’s jacket. And Millie Bobbie Brown is my tween fashion icon. Now that Kiernan Shipka is pushing 80 or whatever, it’s nice to have a new kid on the block. And also, this gif exists:

I want all of these kids to be president. Today.

RAMI MALEK
tuxedo by Dior Homme

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision

I just drooled on my keyboard.

CONSTANCE WU
gown by J. Mendel, earrings by Norman Silverman, necklace by Ileana Makri, purse by Tyler Ellis

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

The hoops-and-ponytail combo is a little dated, but the gown is STUPID gorgeous.

EMILIA CLARKE
gown by Atelier Versace

Photo: Phil McCarten/Invision

Suck it, Carrie Bradshaw. There’s a new naked dress in town.

AMY POEHLER
gown by Pamella Roland

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Excellent gown, but there is WAY too much jewelry. The gold chain was just this side of over-the-top. You either get the gold clutch or ONE of the chunky bracelets, Amy. All of the above makes you look like you fooled around with Midas in the limo on the way here.

TRACEE ELLIS ROSS
gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Jim Smeal/BEI/Shutterstock

Dig the dress, but the earrings do make me want to die a little.

MAISIE WILLIAMS
dress by Markus Lupfer

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision

Arya Stark is rocking bright green eyeshadow. How could I be anything less than thrilled by that?

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS
gown by Carolina Herrera

Photo: Todd Williamson/Getty

Not mind-blowing, but I’m a fan of the polka dots.

REGINA KING
gown by Elizabeth Kennedy

Photo: Todd Williamson/Getty

Fantastic color, but that fabric is so heavy, she looks like she’s wearing a couch.

ABIGAIL SPENCER
gown by Jenny Packham, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Hate to break it to you, Abigail, but…

ANTHONY ANDERSON

Photo: John Shearer/WireImage

Cute.

NIECY NASH
gown by Christian Siriano

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Not as original as I would have hoped, but glamorous all the same.

KATE MCKINNON

Photo: Todd Williamson/Getty

Playing it safe, but I still worship everything about her. I sobbed my face off during her acceptance speech. Because I HAVE A HEART, GODDAMIT IT.

GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE
dress by Giles

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

No, Brienne. The world’s longest legs deserve so much better.

JANE KRAKOWSKI
gown by Bibhu Mohapatra, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Those shoes are a living nightmare.

ROBIN WRIGHT
gown by Reem Acra, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Stephen Lovekin/Rex/Shutterstock

It was incredibly brave of Robin to attend the Emmy midway through a tornado. And in platforms, no less!

ARIEL WINTER
gown by Yousef Al-Jasmi

Photo: Phil McCarten/Invision

She should fire everyone in her immediate vicinity. Great nail polish color, though.

KATHRYN HAHN
gown by Wai Ming, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth

Photo: Todd Williamson/Getty

I hate this dress almost as much as I fucking bow down to Kathryn Hahn, who best be winning ALL of the 2017 Emmys for this season of Transparent. Rabbi Raquel is my patronus.

Worst Dressed: LAURA CARMICHAEL
gown by Delpozo, purse by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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