Some Met Gala attendees will be honored as the Best Dressed; others will live in infamy as the Worst Dressed. As for the rest, well, let’s just sweep them into the “Basic Bitches” category and judge them all.
BRADLEY COOPER
tuxedo by Tom Ford
Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
Basic Bitch Bradley Cooper is newly beefed-up for a movie role, but how long ago was his last tuxedo fitting? Bradley, dear, methinks you should have warned your tailor that you were planning on gaining forty pounds. You look like a squat little penguin. Worse yet, you’re still so handsome that you’re kind of pulling the squat penguin vibe off.
ALLISON WILLIAMS
gown and purse by Oscar de la Renta
Photo: David Fisher/Rex
She looks like a Connecticut socialite. That could be an insult, but since she literally is from Connecticut and has famous parents, I guess it works. Great color, anyway.
SELENA GOMEZ
gown by Diane von Furstenberg
Photo: David Fisher/Rex
This is such a forgettable look, I would have sworn up and down that Selena Gomez was not actually at the Met Gala even after staring at this picture for an hour and a half. It might have won my praise at a movie premiere, but I need a little more originality than this when it comes to the biggest fashion event of the year.
ALEXA CHUNG
dress by Nina Ricci
Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic
It’s a fine look, but she’s so basic, she’s getting up-staged by Rita Ora air-kissing Karen Elson in the background.
LEIGHTON MEESTER
gown by Emilio Pucci, purse by Smythson, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage
What was Leighton Meester’s worst styling decision – wearing those sandals, not opting for a pedicure before wearing open-toed shoes to a white-tie gala, or forgetting to bring along her greatest accessory, Adam Brody?
KATE MARA
gown by Valentino
Photo: Arroyo-OConnor/AFF
It borders on interesting, but mostly, it just makes her look like she has a skin disease.
IDINA MENZEL
gown by Donna Karan
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty
Idina Menzel is a superhuman motherfucking goddess, but that frilly nonsense SCREAMS “basic bitch.”
LAKE BELL
gown by Tommy Hilfiger, purse by Reece Hudson
Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
Lake Bell is pooping fabric.
LENA DUNHAM
dress by Giambattista Valli
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty
It’s one of her better looks, but it’s way too casual for the event.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY
dress by Balmain
Photo: David Fisher/Rex
She could wear this anywhere. And she usually does wear crazy little Balmain dresses, everywhere. So why the fuck couldn’t she have wandered into a ball gown or a tuxedo for the event? Why the sea of inappropriate cocktail dresses? Hell, show your nipples, I don’t care. But maybe cover your knees. It’s WHITE TIE.
OLIVIA MUNN
gown by Diane von Furstenberg
Photo: David Fisher/Rex
Tits out, knees covered. It’s a start. But bracelets worn over sleeves bother me. And for a dress that’s so low-cut, it’s weirdly Disney princessy to me.
RACHEL MCADAMS
gown by Ralph Lauren
Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
This is what comes up when you Google image search “basic bitch.” (I mean, it probably isn’t, but it should be.)
MICHELLE WILLIAMS
dress by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
YOU WEAR THIS EVERY DAY WHY DO YOU NEVER STEP OUTSIDE THE TINY LITTLE HIPSTER-TWEE BOX YOU HAVE CREATED FOR YOURSELF ARRRGGGGGGGG BE MORE FORMAL FOR ONE DAMN NIGHT YOU STUBBORN LITTLE KNOB.
JESSICA ALBA
gown and purse by Diane von Furstenberg
Photo: instyle.com
Forgettable.
JESSICA PARÉ
gown by Michael Kors, purse by Roger Vivier
Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
Lumpy and awkward, but a great fabric. Also, Jessica Paré never leaves the house without that Roger Vivier purse and it’s really starting to wear on me.
HAYDEN PANETTIERE
gown by Dennis Basso
Photo: David Fisher/Rex
I have to keep squinting to figure out whether this gown is splatter-painted or I just sneezed on my computer screen again.
RASHIDA JONES
gown by Tory Burch, purse by Anya Hindmarch
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty
Something about this dress makes me want to hold Rashida Jones, feed her some ice cream, and tell her everything is going to be okay.
KRISTEN STEWART
dress by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Photo: Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
You look like a fancy emu.
FELICITY JONES
gown by Theory
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty
Get the fuck out of here with that hair.
COBIE SMULDERS
gown by Reed Krakoff
Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
This actually would have been great, if it fit her, and didn’t so closely resemble a beach cover-up.
KYLIE MINOGUE
gown by Marchesa
Photo: David Fisher/Rex
Snooze.
ZOE KRAVITZ
gown by Topshop
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty
The opposite of snooze, but not in a good way.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL
gown by Tommy Hilfiger
Photo: David Fisher/Rex
She looks like the drunkest, WASPiest girl at the prep school prom.
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© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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